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What if I don't want to deal with these problems in the first place

They're not problems. It's a customizable device to this extent, and you have preferences, so just change the settings. The alternative is that you cannot do anything about it.

Buy another phone?

Buy an iPhone and you don't have to ever wonder if you CAN change something

Yup. Don’t like siri? Go kick rocks.

You can disable Siri entirely, as far as the voice interface.

You have to enable Siri for carplay, which is really obnoxious.

Does this comment mean to say that you can change anything or that you can't? IIRC there are quite a few things locked down on an iPhone that require you to jailbreak it if you want to customize it, but I haven't been in the iPhone space for a long time now so please forgive my naivety.

Yes, that's what i meant.

"With an Android if you have a shitty "feature" usually you can just change it"

I have a samsung and everything is custom, nothing but the setting menu is Samsung at this point on my phone.

And my choice was dictated only by the hardware in the Android ecosystem (i wanted the S pen)

On an iPhone you can customize very little, the homepage alone would make me furious.

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