I'm a game developer who writes games that run with rollback netcode even on android web browsers, so yeah, performance critical code. There's only one data structure in any of our games that shows memory operations in the profiler at all, the one that holds the game states on the clients. This is quite a bit of data and is operated on frequently. We use a robin hood flat map for that. For all the other stuff we basically use std::vector and it never shows up in the profiler.
I think it's wild how people insinuate I'm a fool if I literally say it never is a problem for us. I think it creates a "boy who cried wolf" problem if you always harp on stuff that doesn't actually manifest.
In general, I'm with you on memory allocation. I recently rewrote our animation system to not allocate memory at runtime, but to say "never use std::vector because it's performance is bad" is a statement I can't get behind.