Ask HN: How do you go about finding friends and enemies? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How do you go about finding friends and enemies?

3 pointsJumpinJack_Cash8 comments

I have had enough of this modern world where there are no strong feelings between men and women and most importantly among men.

Everybody seems to just be doing their job which is essentially being a infinitly small cogwheel in an immense and intricated system.

I miss the strong sentiment that I had towards people when I was a younger, both the friends from high school but also the enemies from high school, those who want to steal your girl, those who always try to bully you and you have to rebut both methaphorically and physically.

It seemed like the only thing that mattered were the friendships and the rivalries within the school. No worries about the economy or jobs or cash runaway, mostly no worries about the external world.

All the informations that we are constantly bombarded by have propelled lots of economic growth, but also they water down every emotion and sentiment because there is always another place to go or another option to explore as far as romantic partners, friends and ever rivalries are watered down because of the abundance of informations and options makes it so that nobody has to stand their ground anymore for anything because there is always the option to find it elsewhere through a path of less resistance.

I think the way we talk towards the 3rd world and uncontacted tribes with this sense of superiority is unwarrwanted, because sure they might have little to no stuff, but for sure they have strong sentiments toward one another, because of the aforementioned lack of stuff, and also much lower life expectancy, they have to make things happen in a very short time and in conditions of extreme scarcity, hence bonds and alliances are formed and dissolved on a daily basis. Friends become enemies, and viceversa in a constant waltzer of strong emotions.

Us on the other hand we experience next to nothing emotionally because of the aforementioned watering down

So the question after the rant:

How would you guys solve the problem of lack of strong emotions towards other people which spirals down into lack of strong friendships, lack of strong rivalries, lack of romantic partners that you really care about ( not just a girl that you pick because you don’t want to be alone) ?

Have you considered talking to a therapist? It sounds like the problem here is you.

It’s not desirable to have enemies, why would you wish that? If you’re doing something that some portion of the population disapprove of, that’s one thing. But to be upset that you don’t have enemies really stupid.

If you don’t have any close friends who energize you and you feel close to, maybe try being more exciting yourself? People are probably bored shitless if you.

There, I insulted you. We’re enemies now, stay up all night thinking of witty rebuttals and have strong rivalries!

Friendship and rivalries are born out of the same environment:

An environment where there are strong emotions and zero diversification

Today’s society is all about diversification with millions of options in any sector, and it results in zero commitment in each and everyone.

For example when you commit to a girl, there are other suitors and they become immediately your enemies, if the girl ends up cheating on you both the enemy can become a friend.

In today’s world of dating apps and diversification it’s impossible for it to happen because every person is talking to at least 30 people and thus it becomes impossible to develop strong emotions towards even one of them.

Same for jobs and neighborhood policies, nobody fixates themselves on one thing and stands their ground, that is where the strong friendships and rivalries develop. A close bond with people in your camp develops and also a strong rivalry towards people in the opposite camp.

To feel strong emotions like this is a very fundamental need and the era of information abundance, rampant diversification and rampant optionality has robbed us of all of this.

Ironically developing countries and poor people who don’t have the time or the luxury to diversify and explore millions of options might be better off.

With regards to our potential rivalry you are so distant geographically that it becomes impossible to sustain it. Only politicians, athletes and billionaires can have rivalries on the Internet because their reputation and image is at stake.

The only way for me to have something at stake against you is would be being in the same room

Do you live in a city? In rural areas, having strong bonds is much, much more common.

Also, not everyone is doing the apps and millions of options thing. You may be looking in the wrong places.

Young and immature people experience strong emotions and attachments because they haven’t learned how to control themselves. The “strong sentiment” and intensity of feeling you miss came from youth and the unique environment of school.

Most people grow up and learn to get along in a context larger and more varied than school. Most people learn how to moderate and master their emotions. Those who don’t will struggle with immature behavior.

Yeah the control thing is BS, we have to stop doing that because suppression leads to all sorts of problems.

Anxiety, depression, inexpression.

Human beings are made to be happy, sad, very happy , very sad and swing like a pendulum between such states

And your evidence? Evidence that human beings “are made for” anything?

All of recorded history tells the story of human beings learning how to moderate and control their impulses and emotions. We need to learn that because we live with other people, as a social species.

If human beings are made for anything, it isn’t for living alone. All social species moderate and tune their behavior to get along with others. When individuals can’t or won’t do that we call it narcissistic and sociopathic.

I will not depress myself for the sake of society, I could care less

And besides countries where there are still strong sentiments seem to be standing and sustaining their population

Latin America, Egypt, Sub saharan Africa, India etc.

If you think individual emotions and impulses don't get moderated to conform to societal norms in any of those places, you need to travel more. People expressing their emotions differently than what an American thinks of as the norm doesn't mean those people don't moderate their behavior. India, to use just one of your examples, has fairly rigid family and caste structures and social expectations that almost everyone has to conform to.

You may say you don't care, but we all have to get along with other people by moderating our behavior to some degree. The alternative is ostracism, the classic punishment, or choosing to live in a cabin the woods and going slowly mad from loneliness.

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