Hacker News Reader

Comment by zcw100 | Hacker News Reader

I can just see it, “Did you buy me these flowers I was it that stupid app?”

If your SO would be annoyed at your romantic gesture because you got the idea from an app you might have other problems in that relationship. Generally, I find women appreciate the gesture, even if the idea isn't entirely original. People just like that you think about them.

With the increasing pushback against AI and reliance on technology, it might happen.

They would probably react that way since the partner was just following instructions of an app rather than something more romantic and genuine

I mean, if a robot told you to do it, then I would be inclined to argue that it’s _not a gesture.

> People just like that you think about them.

Indeed. The trouble here is that this rather seems like a _substitute_ for thinking about them.

My SO is very grateful for flowers she tells me to buy. I second your statement.

What "other problems in that relationship" do you think they might have?

Doing little surprises for someone, texting them to wish them a good day, etc, is a form of signalling. People like it because they know that you are thinking about them randomly, and that you care how they're doing. If you're simply using an app reminder to do stuff in order to grind relationship points, it has a completely different meaning.

Two or three times a year, I schedule a dozen emails to my wife. Just little missives that say something sweet that I appreciate about her. I spread them out over the next few months, so she gets little reminders from me that say I love you.

When I’m staring down a long, busy day and she looks run down, I schedule an email a few hours later to say “Hope your day is going well, you’re awesome and I’m grateful to have you.”

When my wife gets the emails, I’m almost certainly not thinking about her. I’m usually at work focused on work.

Am I doing romance wrong?

> Am I doing romance wrong?

If it works for you then maybe not.

Personally, I think that if there's time to schedule an email, then might as well just send a quick text message. That's more personal and allows for an instant response. I'd also never send an email for personal communication like that, but maybe that's just me.

Not sure if you are disagreeing with my comment but I don't see any contradiction. You are showing your wife that you are thinking about her and that you care about her wellbeing. The fact that there's a time lag between the moment you think about her and the moment she gets the message, isn't an issue.

Why isn't "downloading an app to help us have a more unpredictable romantic relationship" also thinking about her and caring about her wellbeing?

This. My partner has reminders in her calendar to leave me post it notes with a kind thought.

Double thoughtful.

I find that extraordinarily cute.

"People just like that you think about them" - but this is an app telling you to think about them.

And the person who downloaded the app did it because they were thinking about their partner and their relationship. It's the example that others have mentioned of writing a reminder in a calendar to buy some flowers, or scheduling an email with a nice message; but instead of flowers or an email, the romantic gesture is going to be something unknown, and I suspect that's half the fun of an app like this. It's still got the same intent though – "I love my partner and I want to do something fun/romantic for them."

Haha, yes your concern is so valid, we did 150+ interviews to analyses potential social situations. But that is why the app suggests both partners to join the app. But let me know if it happens to you, would love to do more interviews1 ;)

Is it inauthentic if I think back to romantic gestures I did 40 yrs ago and redo them?

Reply on news.ycombinator.com