Comment by salmonfamine | Hacker News Reader

Comment by salmonfamine | Hacker News Reader

A melancholic and romantic but ultimately useless perspective.

It is impossible to know, with certainty, if any decision is the best one because we only live one life. We can make educated guesses about our "what if's" but we'll never know. And furthermore, you have to accept that the road not taken will also have disadvantages and trade-offs that you could not have anticipated at the time.

There are some decisions that you can be pretty sure are big mistakes. And some of these are irreversible. And we are all running out of time.

But generally speaking, I tend to agree with the Proustian perspective -- the "big moments," generally speaking, are the product of a lot of little moments and decisions. Spouses don't suddenly decide to cheat one day, careers aren't made by one or two wrong moves. Rather, I think we only remember the moments in which all of our little decisions culminate into one event -- precisely because it is memorable.

You have to learn to love your fate. There are so many branching permutations of quantum lives that it's impossible to ever know if you chose the "best" one.

The point is more about reflecting on things that are false, but we tell ourselves to feel better. We don't like to think of a 17 year old as a finished person, however in other ways we try to make them that way.

The reality is that our expectations are much less realistic and bleaker. We love to talk about second chances and failing your way to success. On the other hand, 80% of us live in a very different world.

If you are on the following track which most of us are: high-school -> professional training -> early career -> senior career -> management -> senior management it's almost the opposite as described and downright bleak if you haven't always been a mega achiever.

Now I should possibly distinguish self-employed business people, entrepreneurs, and certain artists. Honestly even these exempt professions it can be like that, and there's exceptions to traditional professions.

Anyway, for most of us it's all about demonstrating perfect success every step of the way. You may be able to "get away" with certain things, but they can all still seriously hurt you. It doesn't take much before you can be perceived as valueless. Sometimes we talk about this, but we seem cautious about admitting it works this way.

So, contrary to the idea that being a failure is okay, most of the time the process looks more like detecting ANY failure in your past and not letting you in the door. After all there's 20 candidates that didn't get a D in 3rd grade biology.

I've met some people who have that outlook, and almost all of them have come from competitive high schools on the coasts, with successful parents who put a lot of expectations on them to achieve from a young age.

If your goal is to have some perfect career of "Perfect SAT -> Ivy+ -> Consulting/Finance/FAANG -> Senior Management -> C-Suite" then you're doomed to rumination and regret unless you end up falling into the smallest fraction of a fraction of perfectionist achievement, and I highly doubt even the survivors of that funnel are anything close to "happy."

As someone who grew up in a rural oil town and didn't go to high school, making ~200k at my B-tier tech company feels like winning the lottery several times over. Plus, I have time to pursue my actual goals (making art, building genuine relationships, hiking.) Any Ivy+ grad who ended up in my shoes would probably feel like a failure, and yet I'm in the top 1-2 percent of earners in my age group in the country and have never wanted for anything.

Also, just as an aside -- I know someone who has published some very ground-breaking research in genomics, runs their own lab at a young age, PhD from an Ivy+ program etc, and they actually did get a D in intro biology their Freshman year (at a B-tier school nonetheless.)

But they still ultimately out-performed entire cohorts of neurotic strivers because they were much more passionate, obsessive, and creative. Although their competition was very hard-working and ambitious, they ultimately didn't care about the actual research as much as they cared about their own careers. In the end, nothing beats passion and obsession.

It's worth hearing all opinions, but I don't agree with this sentiment. This applies to many people in a variety of fields. Contrary to our values about achievement we line up for people that purchased their way to credibility.

Same with companies. The truth is that you kinda do know what you're getting more.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com