Jeff Lawson buys The Onion | Hacker News Reader

Jeff Lawson buys The Onion

nytimes.com

392 pointscoloneltcb292 comments

From a different article: https://www.businessinsider.com/twilio-founder-jeff-lawson-b...

> When asked whether he had purchased The Onion, Lawson played coy. "What's The Onion?" he replied. Then, "What's a Tetrahedron?"

> Business Insider was unsure how to respond to these questions.

> "Am I talking to Twilio founder Jeff Lawson or am I just taking crazy pills today?" Business Insider's reporter replied. Lawson did not respond.

This article is absolute gold, thanks for sharing haha

Had no idea Ben Collins had become an executive at whatever this thing is. He was an excellent reporter and a guy who really, really understands how the internet works and how communities flourish or go toxic. He reported a lot about Kiwi Farms and Cloudflare's response to public pressure.

https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/otm/segments/worst-plac...

The company was created just a couple of weeks ago with the purpose of buying The Onion. It doesn’t sound like the CEO responsibilities will take a lot of time away from his other work.

I'm not sure I'd call it good reporting to investigate this case and not look into Doxbin. There has been no evidence that Kiwifarms users have coordinated harassment towards keffals; however, the website that actually coordinated the harassment gets absolutely no mention.

When the reporter brings up the Uber hack, he's insinuating that this was done by Kiwifarms, but the receipts were actually posted on Doxbin. Doxbin also goes much much further than Kiwifarms, getting addresses,bank details, and employment history of anyone related to the target. They will work together to contact hotels and employers to get the information they want. Doxbin actually does act the way the media thinks that kiwifarms act.

I can understand Keffals not speaking about Doxbin as she legitimately fears them according to leaked messages to Destiny, but it's the media's responsibility to actually understand what's going on.

It's insane that people like Ben Collins constantly use Kiwifarms as a shield for Doxbin.

Interesting. I haven't heard of doxbin. Got anything else I can read about them?

> who really, really understands how the internet works and how communities flourish or go toxic

Got a good article of his on this specifically?

I'm old enough to remember when it was a physical paper you'd get for free in Harvard Square... wish I kept some of them.

I particularly enjoyed the old "Point/Counterpoints" such as:

https://www.theonion.com/u-s-out-of-my-uterus-vs-we-must-dep...

https://www.theonion.com/americas-homeless-want-a-hand-up-no...

https://www.theonion.com/my-computer-totally-hates-me-vs-god...

Also, shout out to the "Oh! Mumford" comic strip that was insane absurdist meme-fuel. Might have to go to Internet Archive to unsurface those.

Red Meat still exists, but absolutely nobody knows what I mean when I say, "I hate you, Milkman Dan" and hasn't for 25 years.

I loved Red Meat. I didn’t know it still existed, but I do have three of the books.

I also have the complete Jim’s Journal, but alas I never got a t-shirt. “I went to class even though I didn’t real want to” was my favorite

I see you, Papa Moai!

Taking a shot: Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles?

…

Is it still there?

It is. Don’t look.

One of my favorites.

I used to love that comic. I suspect I still will, but I'll know for sure after binge the 20+ years I missed. :)

Oh gosh Milkman Dan, what a blast from the past. All the good memories of early edgy net absurdism.

I don't think I'm the target audience. I don't really get it.

I spent years homeless. I try to write about meaningful ways to help the homeless while preserving their agency. I try to write about systemic issues I feel contribute to the problem.

I don't find that second link funny or relatable or anything that makes sense to me.

I don’t think any of the articles that grandparent linked are really the most exemplary Onion articles. The onion is really at its best when it manages to nail it exactly right. Sometimes they are just so perfectly in touch with cultural zeitgeist it’s uncanny. Here are two of the most memorable ones in recent memory:

https://www.theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-na...

https://www.theonion.com/the-onion-stands-with-israel-becaus...

Funny, to me these are the worst type of Onion articles, pandering to people on one side of a political issue. I think it's lazy and predictable.

The onion has always been political commentary. In my opinion, it is some of the most impactful, even to this day. Every time there is a mass shooting, the onion reposts the same article — linked above. All they do is edit the time and place. They also bump every other article they published to the front page.

It's incredible commentary on the fact these things keep happening in completely predictable ways.

This was especially prescient: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjonGtrCyVE

There's no rule of humor that says it must be politically neutral.

If you want balance, feel free to post equally funny satire with a right-wing slant.

Though it might be harder to find anything equivalent, since biting political humor and satire can be politically asymmetric.

Babylon Bee is the one on the other side of the aisle.

(That's a deliberate Christian meta-joke).

Okay, I chuckled at the Ted Kaczynski signature, aka The Unabomber.

I assumed all the other "board member signatures" were similarly infamous bad guys but I can't figure out what they all are and when I search on Steve Hannah, he apparently actually was the CEO of The Onion at one time.

I agree with some of their points about it being a conflict going back hundreds of years. I personally think it's inevitable that war broke out given how psycho controlling Isreal is about Gaza's water supply.

I still probably am not the target audience for The Onion and won't really understand a lot of it. I was full-time homemaker a lot of years for an American woman my age. I did well in school. I value HN and have participated here a lot, but have zero friends, professional contacts etc via HN.

I don't generally "go along to get along." I try to avoid social friction by other means and the result appears to be I don't ever really fit in anywhere because I'm not willing to mouth empty agreement with the group consensus.

And, I mean, there's likely other reasons I fail to fit in anywhere but I strongly suspect that's a really large factor.

I really like the T. Herman Zweibel signature at the bottom. He was by far my favorite recurring character.

Not the Onion, but a list of H. T. Zweibel articles: https://muckrack.com/t-herman-zweibel/articles

FYI if anyone else here is as clueless as I am:

Publisher Emeritus, T. Herman Zweibel, writes frequent editorials, growing more and more erratic until he's removed from power by the board of directors in the 1950s.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Dumb_Century

Might be relevant to point out that "zwiebel" is German for onion.

Do you realize The Onion is a satirical comedy newspaper?

Absolutely.

Do you also struggle to enjoy other classic satire? Ever read anything by Kurt Vonnegut?

Sorry what?

As a Canuck, US politics is typically indecipherable, eh! Most news makes no sense, until I found The Onion. Now you are telling me, you bunch of hosers made it all up!

Signed "Bob Jenkins, Canadian Minister of National Affairs"

"You made it all up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”, Charlton Heston, a Great Canadian

[deleted]

There's not any correlation between fitting the standard HN mold and liking The Onion. I'm a barista who just checks in here for the marginal stuff outside the tech professional centered stuff, and I'm a big fan of The Onion.

Honestly, I think the disconnect is that you pay very close attention while you read, while the Onion's style caters more to a quick glance-through. They rarely have every point nailed down completely, because they're expecting you to just be moving on quickly anyway.

> ‘The Onion’ Stands With Israel Because It Seems Like You Get In Less Trouble For That

This is a recent Onion classic.

The thing about the Onion is, once you’ve got a great headline - and maybe a photo, which will usually be a head shot - the text of the article sometimes seems largely superfluous. They actually ought to be doing better in the age of Twitter and so on, but it didn’t work out that way.

Then there's no reason to visit the site. The link card will give you everything you're looking for.

I think the de facto purpose of the article text when shared online is to make it more plausible to someone who doesn't know the site is parody.

I happen to enjoy the content itself, even if it's all just riffing on the joke on the headline. But I'm a big fan of snark in general.

Also, I'm not 100% sure, but perhaps there are some SEO boosts from having long form article content that wouldn't be gained from just having a title and a blurb (though they do also do those very short form articles as well, where it's a few sentences with the headline)

https://www.theonion.com/report-we-don-t-make-any-money-if-y...

>> "Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link"

Here is another article that's on point. The Onion does have a way with (omitting) words.

https://www.theonion.com/israel-assures-it-doing-everything-...

"Israel Assures It Doing Everything Possible To Minimize Civilians"

I’ve felt for a long time that The Onion is the reincarnation of Voltaire: savage, subtle, clever, culturally relevant, slightly undersold in its time. They will be studied in history books, or whatever the equivalent of books become. Even if you don’t agree with the political spin, you cannot discount the beauty of how they took such a common political phrase and turned it on its head like that.

As with any comedy, they are hits a misses. And probably more misses than hits. But they just keep shooting and people mostly remember the gems.

Tangent: congrats on no longer being homeless! Your comment piqued my curiosity so I checked out your profile, and wow! is it great, full of interesting links etc. Glad you're here on HN.

P.S. Yeah, the onion is pretty hit-or-miss, tho the ratio is pretty good IMHO. YMMV but one of my all-time favorites was about Harry Potter being a sinister secret recruiting vehicle for satan worship -- and I learned about it from a friend whose parents were among the huge number of christianists who thought it was legit journalism and forwarded it in one of the biggest ~early-internet-days chainmail events ever.

https://www.theonion.com/harry-potter-books-spark-rise-in-sa...

Well, The Onion is not there to write about meaningful ways to help the homeless. Their job is to satirize the dumb views that people push.

I learned about it via "Monk Gloats over Yoga Championship"

https://www.theonion.com/monk-gloats-over-yoga-championship-...

I also frequently mention I don't watch television. In fact, I don't even own one.

https://www.theonion.com/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-d...

For me, it was "Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity Is Finally Over": https://www.theonion.com/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of...

Yes, this was an incredibly prescient article.

This one just keeps on aging like fine wine.

The foresight... still hurts to this day.

Wish it had gone this way. From 1998:

https://www.theonion.com/clinton-threatens-to-drop-da-bomb-o...

The article is funny and I agree with overall sentiment, but it's always surprising how people just forget Kosovo and Somalia. Clinton bombed a European country and doubled down on a hopeless mission in an African hellhole (before giving up), not exactly "sustained peace abroad". Even if you agree with the moves, you can't say it was all peace and love.

True, but those were tiny interventions that hardly affected mainstream USA at all, unlike the brutalizing experience of 9/11, Iraq, and Afghanistan in the following decade.

It's telling that the Iraq or Afghanistan vet (or both!) has replaced the Vietnam vet in TV shows and movies.

what does it tell?

the only thing it tells me is that time moves forward and a 70+ year old Vietnam veteran can't fit the role.

if you're saying that it indicates that the conflicts had a large impact, I would argue that actually it's because the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts lasted a long time and had an impact on Americans specifically, and Americans specifically have a large impact on television/movies/media.

Go ask Albanians and Serbs about their 'tiny intervention'.

The Americans lost 4500 in Iraq and 2400 in Afghanistan.

10000ish were killed in the Kosovo War, and 200,000 people ( at least ) were displaced.

The context of the post you replied to is effect on culture in the US. Were you looking for someone to go off on, or did you sincerely miss it?

Comparing the Kosovo and Somalia operations to Iraq and Afghanistan is like comparing a fly to a whale in basically any terms that matter. Human suffering, duration, lives lost, monetary cost, reputational cost in the world, etc.

How do you watch TV shows or movies?

I love: https://www.theonion.com/bush-finds-error-in-fermilab-calcul...

My favorite Point/Counterpoint is https://www.theonion.com/according-to-the-economist-nasa-is-... "According To The Economist, NASA Is An Industrial Subsidy In Disguise vs. Oooh, Look At Me, I Read The Economist!"

I also have to give a shout out to the time they predicted the five blade razor a year before it came out: https://www.theonion.com/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-bla...

As a nice crossover, the Economist predicted the number of blades to go to infinity in this beautiful graph: https://www.economist.com/science-and-technology/2006/03/16/....

And then there's this from 1992 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YleuLyCUx28

I didn't have to click on the link to know what this would be. Love the D Generation and the Late Show.

Truly champagne comedy.

Holy shit lol that was sooo funny.

“Never mind that Dr. Glickman screwed up and bought this colossal ditz of a receptionist more computer than she could ever possibly need for record-keeping at a small dentist's office.“

I have a stack about a foot tall of copies i collected from the Obama era. Anyone idea what i should do with them? Perhaps donate them to the library as a public good?

They are still hilarious. My favorite is one where they pretended a Chinese ceo of a fish company bought the paper. It was filled with articles with bad statistics trying to get the common American to eat more fish, how wonderful the ccp is, and how weak and decadent the American people are. They also made the grammar terrible. Definitely riding the line with seeing what they could get away with!

Yeah, or send them to archive.org for scanning and publishing on the web.

And these fullpage scans provide value above what theonion.com already provides?

A lot of people will be interested in the ads and other signs of the times.

Besides, who knows how long theonion.com will stay up. Or keeps giving access to all old articles?

After all, they've just been bought. Usually this results in changes, despite new owner's loud promises that nothing will change.

Well in this case everyone wants something to change. The onion's glory days were in the past.

You're never quite sure what you're actually looking at on the web.

Was this edited at any point after the listed publish date? Did it survive intact during the backend migrations since? Is that formatting supposed to be a bit weird? Is there originally supposed to be an image after that oddly placed paragraph break?

What did it look like back when `<blink>` and `<marquee>` were still a thing? Did it look better at 800x600? Did it show the same page to all user-agents?

Hard copies, physical reality (or at least rasters), are still the ultimate form of immutability.

Nice. Okay, I’ll give it a shot :)

I'm building a free magazine encyclopedia wiki. My email is on my profile. Happy to scan them and upload them if they are not already available in electronic format.

I’ve sent you an email

Mention of the Obama era reminded me of one of my favorite Onion headlines:

Mitt Romney Haunted By Past Of Trying To Help Uninsured Sick People

https://www.theonion.com/mitt-romney-haunted-by-past-of-tryi...

These are all great, another good one is

“This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t”

https://www.theonion.com/this-war-will-destabilize-the-entir...

Like fine wine. We need a new 2024 one:

Why Republicans Have Little Cachet Amongst the Educated In The Past 2 Decades A Total Fucking Mystery

The point/counterpoint that I have thought about at least once a month for at least fifteen years: https://www.theonion.com/this-war-will-destabilize-the-entir...

"You are completely wrong."

Ignoring for the moment that "unsurface" isn't even a word, I think you mean the opposite, "surface" (as a slightly pretentious way of saying "discover").

How do you know someone went to Harvard?

They tell you...

FYI, The Onion is from Madison WI, not Cambridge...

FYI, Harvard Square is a public place, thousands of people visit and pass through it every day who aren't Harvard students. It's not part of the actual Harvard campus (as opposed to e.g. Harvard Yard).

And still, its nowhere near Madison WI...

I’m old enough to remember when it was a black and white paper you could only get at UW Madison.

They had an issue with a banner headline: W A R

And when you unfolded it, the subhead was “C’mon! Let’s have one!”

I think this is good news, because G/O Media websites are the worst.

I was at UW-Madison when The Onion started. We had a wealth of student newspapers at the time, along with The Daily Cardinal and The Badger Herald. Scott Dikkers and Todd Hanson, writers for The Onion, also wrote great comic strips for the Cardinal (Jim's Journal and Badgers and Other Animals, respectively).

Some favorite Onion headlines that I remember:

https://www.theonion.com/stretch-of-highway-learns-it-was-ad...

https://www.theonion.com/sudanese-14-year-old-has-midlife-cr...

https://www.theonion.com/christ-returns-to-nba-1819563859

And I can't find a link for it, but "Special Olympics T-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game".

Incidentally, Jeremy Scahill of The Intercept was also writing for the student newspapers way back in the day, though he was obviously doing political stuff and not comedy.

My favorite was "Klemke wins!" the day after Obama was elected. https://www.theonion.com/klemke-wins-1819570336

It would have been a vastly different story if only Cosgrove kept her mouth shut about access to the new all-weather Sedgwick County Park municipal pool.

Pool politics have torn America apart.

Here in Australia we have to make do with The Shovel

https://theshovel.com.au/2024/04/24/rest-of-world-offers-tru...

Another great God (sort of) returns:

https://www.theonion.com/god-finally-gives-shout-out-back-to...

And a brutal Special Olympics article:

https://www.theonion.com/independent-investigation-special-o...

And don’t forget that Dan savage worked at 4 star video at the time

Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia

https://www.ling.upenn.edu/~beatrice/humor/clinton-deploys-v...

Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients

This is my personal favorite.

Some personal favourites:

Drugs win Drug War

New President Feels Nation's Pain, Breasts

Area Man Passionate Defender of What He Imagines Constitution to Be

Awesome Toy Recalled Thanks to Three Stupid Dead Kids

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Alzheimer's Sufferers Demand Cure For Pancakes

“Ringo Next” after George Harrison died.

My personal favourite was when The Onion chose 'The Man' as their 1997 man of the year.

https://www.theonion.com/the-onions-1997-man-of-the-year-181...

Sammy Hagar discovers second way to rock

On this style, I've loved

Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People - https://www.theonion.com/archaeological-dig-uncovers-ancient...

Study: Dolphins Not So Intelligent On Land - https://www.theonion.com/study-dolphins-not-so-intelligent-o...

Area Man Always Nostalgic For Four Years Ago

https://www.theonion.com/area-man-always-nostalgic-for-four-...

Now and then some of their articles have a little too much truth to them. Go easy on us Onion folks!

"Secondhand smoke linked to secondhand coolness"

"Schaumburg Man Dimly Aware Of Shadowy, Non-Schaumburg World Out There"

"Clinton Injected With Highly Unstable Experimental Growth Serum"

"Beer! It kicks ass!"

Lastly, the 9/11 issue is one of their greatest achievements. They struck the perfect balance/tone, avoiding "too soon": https://www.theonion.com/issue-37-34-the-september-11th-issu...

“CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years”

https://www.theonion.com/cia-realizes-its-been-using-black-h...

They also had one that they didn’t run making a joke right after 9/11 to the effect of…

“America Stronger Than Ever, Say Quadragon Officials."

Also the routine “No Way To Prevent This” headline after every mass shooting only continues to gain potency.

"After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016"

https://www.theonion.com/after-obama-victory-shrieking-white...

Strange, he won

That’s not the 9/11 issue though. (Check the date). And strangely, I can’t seem to find a link to the issue that they published that morning.

Which is a shame, because it was the perfect counterpoint to what everybody else was reporting.

Just a full page photo of the plane hitting the tower and a giant headline:

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!”

That was the first real laugh after. It was just perfect.

My favorite

"More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs Overseas"

https://www.theonion.com/more-american-workers-outsourcing-o...

I was there too and I remember thinking that lots of universities must have humor newspapers as funny as The Onion. Nope!

BTW Dan Vebber also wrote a strip for the Daily Cardinal and wrote for The Onion. He went on to write for Buffy and a lot of other shows, currently exec. producer of The Simpsons. He’s also the genius behind The Two Felipes https://www.mkepunk.com/releases/the-two-felipes-eat-your-fi...

IMO with the 9-11 special edition The Onion reached its peak.

https://www.theonion.com/issue-37-34-the-september-11th-issu...

When I was a young man I felt personally called out so much that I changed up the way I did things:

"I'll Try Anything With A Detached Air Of Superiority"

https://www.theonion.com/ill-try-anything-with-a-detached-ai...

Can't me mention the T-ball one without also quoting

> Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

"Startling Report Finds Evidence Democrats May Have Attempted To Influence 2016 Election"

Right now, Kinja is hosting all the content for The Onion, so it would take a lot of data migration to get all the content onto a different web host.

"Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race of Skeleton People"

https://www.theonion.com/archaeological-dig-uncovers-ancient...

"Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Fillm as Fun, Watchable"

https://www.theonion.com/trekkies-bash-new-star-trek-film-as...

"Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets off on Technicality"

https://www.theonion.com/jurisprudence-fetishist-gets-off-on...

"Osama Bin Laden Found Inside Each Of Us" https://www.theonion.com/osama-bin-laden-found-inside-each-o...

They deleted it, was here: https://www.theonion.com/articles/special-olympics-tball-sta...

I remember my first introduction to the onion was the print edition at my university. What a great publication- and they authored what has to be the best amicus brief to the Supreme Court ever. https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-293/242292/2022...

I was aware of the brief, but until now had never taken the time to read it.

It's probably the funniest amicus brief ever written. Thanks for linking.

The Babylon Bee's brief in the same case is also pretty good: https://babylonbee.com/amicus-brief

They penned two briefs, the one you linked to was never filed with the court (it “sides” with the police). The one they filed with the court is different. You can read about it here and both are linked: https://reason.com/volokh/2022/10/28/babylon-bee-files-amicu...

(The real brief is also linked at the end of the fake one)

This is the best birthday present I could have asked for. The Onion News Network has the funniest, most prescient videos online and I love going back to watch them. Even if the Onion comes back half as funny as they were it's going to be fabulous. Here are a few of my lesser-known favorites:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJdP1zK15bE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRgRz3nSG7o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM

The scrollbar at the bottom always warrants a second viewing.

"Rescue St. Bernard eats avalanche victim"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4PC8Luqiws

Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: "Let's move in together"

https://youtu.be/7ADncN9HIa4

Incredible, beginning to end

One of my favorite videos from that era:

“Concentric Circles Emanating from Glowing Red Dot”

https://youtu.be/8wHMaJ6AtNs?si=GMQSQDYXbTQfGEI9

New Live Poll Lets Pundits Pander To Viewers In Real Time https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFpK_r-jEXg

Experts Agree, Giant Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat

https://youtu.be/-Uq9pp586AE?si=NxdI4vwYZQr817QI

Reporters having a panel discussion on teevee. I stopped the video and read each of the supporting print stories that flashed by and they were perfect, too.

“Why not choose a cuddlier animal, like a Golden Retriever?”

I watch "The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137" regularly. You have to pause it to catch everything, it's packed with little bits of humor in the on-screen graphics.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKC21wDarBo

This is great news. Jim Spanfeller and G/O media are pretty well known as a chop shop for media properties - there's not a single part of the former Gawker empire that's done even half-decently under their control.

> In an email to G/O Media staff that was obtained by The New York Times, Jim Spanfeller, the chief executive, said the company was “undergoing an extensive review of our portfolio with the intention of coring down to our leading sites in terms of audience and revenues.”

Gawker put a bunch of famous sites together, but The Onion is the only one that I'd expect anyone who wasn't terminally online to recognize. I'm not sure how that didn't make their list of "leading sites", but I'm grateful.

(Also, Jim Spanfeller is a herb.)

(that dude is parsley, sage, rosemary _and_ thyme)

There's a bit of vicarious schadenfreude that Spanfeller's tactics were so horrific that nearly all the staff of G/O media from before 2020 abandoned ship and went on to create sites that are more successful than what the staff escaped from. Some even went on to be major journalists for massive publications, like Tyler Rogoway and Jason Schreier. The Onion has been the last holdout because it's a storied name, unlike Jalopnik or The Root, and now it's finally free.

I can confirm, Jim Spanfeller is indeed an herb.

> When asked whether he had purchased The Onion, Lawson played coy. "What's The Onion?" he replied. Then, "What's a Tetrahedron?" Business Insider was unsure how to respond to these questions.

Sounds like The Onion is in good hands.

Since we're all posting our favorites, here's a few more:

Situation in Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEyFH-a-XoQ

Prague's Kafka International Named Most Alienating Airport https://youtu.be/Pwom49awRKg

The Nigeria video is a masterclass in subtle comedic scripting and acting. Old favourite.

Just a heads up, but you've swapped the links and the titles.

Breaking News: Give Us $1 Or 'The Onion' Disappears Forever

https://www.theonion.com/give-us-1-or-the-onion-disappears-f...

I paid them a dollar just to see what happens.

well?

Well, I have one dollar less than I did before.

This: https://shottr.cc/s/17JR/SCR-20240425-umk.png

Well, of course he's not gonna go away, Mary! You give him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more!

I tried but the checkout insisted that my phone number (that I've had for 20 years) was invalid. Oh well!

The Onion was great back when their Youtube channel created real videos. Now it's a mild chuckle every few months

I think they’re great and I’ve only seen like two or three of their videos ever.

Their Autistic Reporter series is probably the best thing they did.

They had amazingly high production values on classics like "Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BnLbv6QYcA and "Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AyVh1_vWYQ

I wonder why they stopped.

I assume video content is much more expensive

They may also have been victimized by the scandal where Facebook was lying about the engagement that short-form videos generated over other kinds of content, leading several content producers into bankruptcy or near bankruptcy through loss of ad revenue when they pivoted towards it.

https://slate.com/technology/2018/10/facebook-online-video-p...

https://www.ccn.com/facebook-lied-about-video-metrics/

Never trust a con artist.

HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8

From what I gather, they invested in Onion News Network for IFC, and when that got canceled relatively quickly, they didn't risk online-only distribution. Maybe 2011 was too early to pivot to video? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onion_News_Network

My favorite bit, still stuck in my head whenever I see politicians from both parties rush to the scene of a protest or whatever, is "New Live Poll Lets Pundits Pander To Viewers In Real Time": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFpK_r-jEXg

>Maybe 2011 was too early to pivot to video?

The whole pivot to video era that crippled a whole bunch of online writing outlets was still four years out, so definitely too early.

pepperidge farm remembers when the onion produced hilarious articles.

lets collate the best of the best. i'll start:

https://www.theonion.com/protagonist-scrolls-intensely-throu...

https://www.theonion.com/jumbled-nest-of-cords-makes-move-to...

“EVERYTHING is just a few hundred clicks away”

~1:40 of the Apple video has this amazing headline scroll through the bottom:

> Congress approves intellectual stimulus package giving every American a graduate degree

I think they raised a bunch of funding at one point and then ran out of it

According to the new buyer, he is letting the writers do what they want (more freedom), so I assume they were increasingly tamped down on

Ben Collins says they're bring back ONN

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3kqyj7u...

This is a splash of cold water if you're familiar with who Ben Collins is.

This will not not be a return to The Onion you fondly remember. Most likely it will be a continuation in the same direction it's been going.

Ben Collins, the guy who got suspended from MSNBC for criticizing Elon Musk too hard? Upset Nate Silver because he criticized him too hard? Upset Matt Taibbi for making fun of him for doing PR work for a billionaire? I think he’s perfect for the job honestly.

If _MSNBC_ thinks he’s too overtly partisan and not up to journalistic standards, I’d say Collins fails to clear the absolute lowest bar in news media ethics.

Boy do I have to warn you about The Onion’s content then.

Also if you think being partisan is the lowest bar instead of “report the truth” or “be accurate and fair” then that tells me enough already about your values.

OK, I’ll bite: why?

I don’t know who Ben Collins is and at a first read of his bio I’m not really sure who would. My first instinct is that this is one of those terminally online things, like how I kept reading references to “Taylor Lorenz” as if she were the devil incarnate and when I finally looked into it she was just another pretty boring journalist.

Since you asked, a genuine answer. I suspect it's because Ben Collins is a veteran of the left-wing "disinformation" beat, most recently for MSNBC until he lost that gig -- so the admittedly cryptic parent comment is positing that as a seasoned culture warrior, Collins will likely apply The Onion as a tool in the culture war.

The Onion's comedic point-of-view used to be less predictable, but as the culture war as progressed, so too has The Onion's voice, and it's a more reliable voice for the left these days. If you rue that trend, for whatever reason, Collins provides little reason to imagine things will change.

I'm not familiar enough with either him or culture war dynamics to know what you mean by this.

I was genuinely excited to see him be the new boss. He's incredibly smart and incisive and really understands internet culture.

On the other hand he does have experience in the field.

They were great when they weren't shackled

'Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar'

'Black Man given Nation's worst job' (After Obama won)

I've never laughed so hard at headlines

The Onion had two events that resulted in a huge drop in writing quality and edginess:

OG writers refusing to relocate from NYC to Chicago in 2012 when the HQ was moved, choosing to part ways instead.

Then, the remaining writers being called out for the following tweet, somewhat rightly, but being neutered forever after:

https://crasstalk.com/2013/02/sorry-former-onion-staffers-ca...

Yes, both sad days for what was razor sharp satire.

I don't know any of the context around that tweet, but The Onion has obviously chosen the most innocent, blameless celebrity they could think of to make sure it's a clear joke to everyone, right? Like finding the skinniest person and calling them obese.

The writer of that article seems to have still somehow misunderstood and come to the conclusion that The Onion actually hates Quvenzhané Wallis. I wonder if they really don't get it, or if they're just sort of performatively not getting it for the outrage article.

On the contrary, the context was that the kid was getting a lot of very stupid criticism already. It’s certainly why they attempted the joke.

I don’t think anything about that situation was somehow off limits or immune to satire, they just didn’t pull off the joke. It’s not like the kid was likely to have seen the joke, so no worries there. The problem is that when you use language like that and you’re not even funny, you’re operating at the Andrew Dice Clay level of comedy. That should inspire suicidal ideation in any comedian (who isn’t Andrew Dice Clay… I guess…).

They also seem to think their Diamond Joe Biden character made real Joe Biden too popular, and their self-seriousness about this is making it hard for them to do anything political.

It seemed to me they were well into the current era of lessened relevance before that stuff happened.

And who can forget their famous headline "Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off On Technicality"

Standard Deviation Not Enough for Perverted Statistician

This, this is the GOAT.

"Special Olympics T-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game" is the greatest headline ever written

My vote goes to “Supreme Court Overturns ‘Right V. Wrong’”

"Area Bassist Fellated"

did you misremember the second one? https://www.theonion.com/black-guy-asks-nation-for-change-18...

They did not. The one you linked is from March 2008.

https://www.theonion.com/black-man-given-nations-worst-job-1...

The was the greatest legacy of the ill-fated “pivot to video” era.

You're clearly not alone in this, but I never realised they even did videos, fwiw. Similar era I was enjoying great content on the site, and it just sort of faded but didn't disappear, from my perspective, so I don't know to what extent it's purely about rise and fall of video really.

(I did just watch the very good MacBook Wheel one though.)

Comedy was hit hard by the broader online media shift from personalities to soulless "personalities."

It feels like there's a big hollowed out void between hackneyed mass appeal, and full sending to absurdist and surreal comedy.

Since everyone is just posting their favourite headlines:

Report: Average Male 4,000% Less Effective In Fights Than They Imagine

What makes the onion writing truly great is how they discipline themselves to stick to a single bit for a given article. The entire punchline is in the headline, and the rest of the article is about as straight-laced as you could imagine, as if it was written by a real reporter in a world where the absurd thing was not unusual at all. It's a sort of written version of a deadpan delivery.

That’s why the Colbert Report was so good as well.

Oh, we are sharing our favorite onion bits? I love these ones:

"How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuKnR8RvxHY

"Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2IYIJc1f00

"FDA Official: "Just Eat A Goddamn Vegetable" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOyebcrVWb4

"DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son's Room" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2uqJ4xTx8k

"How To Play Golf Against The Man Whose Wife You're Banging On The Side" https://youtube.com/watch?v=PyV-oTTyIWg

"Parenting Expert Has Nerve To Tell You How To Raise Your Own Goddamn Kids" https://youtube.com/watch?v=hKmDGWv9gRk

"Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized" https://youtube.com/watch?v=MGXSPf9b-xI

"Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BnLbv6QYcA

"Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaoejgnFFP8

Missing from the Internet is "The Onion Guide to Actual Reality", a Flash based interactive feature from the 90s. It was brilliant and prescient like all good Onion features but it may never be ported to Ruffle or whatever else can render that content. Maybe Global Tetrahedron will invest in preserving some of that history.

Also, le boy picked up my copy of Our Dumb Century and read it cover to cover a few years ago. I was pleased.

"Dad Suggests Arriving At Airport 14 Hours Early" is my all-time fav.

https://www.theonion.com/dad-suggests-arriving-at-airport-14...

There must be an Onion writer based in East Lansing MI

https://www.theonion.com/face-of-jesus-seen-on-miracle-hippi...

https://www.theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-na...

https://www.theonion.com/new-study-finds-average-american-st...

https://www.theonion.com/area-bar-used-to-be-cool-now-lame-1...

https://www.theonion.com/voices-in-mans-head-make-great-poin...

https://www.theonion.com/study-finds-pop-up-ads-evolved-deco...

Or maybe an MSU grad with a sense of humor?

Here's Jeff Lawson answering why he bought The Onion

https://twitter.com/jeffiel/status/1783674204820262958

People without a Twitter account can’t read past the first post, which doesn’t explain anything.

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1783674204820262958.html

They just couldn't resist:

> Over time, we’ll be introducing new products and getting into new mediums. But more than anything – this is about unleashing the creative team that’s been making you laugh for over 30 years.

There's absolutely nothing on The Onion that requires a non-text medium.

Did they buy the A.V. Club too? That went down hill enormously a few years ago, would be great to see that regain its former glory.

Wikipedia says:

>G/O Media sold The A.V. Club in March 2024 to Paste Magazine. Terms of the deal were not disclosed.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_A.V._Club

Also "SICKOS"

I tried to explain to my wife why I bought that shirt. No comprende...

(YES... HA HA HA... YES!)

Them, after I show them the comics: “and so you bought that shirt?”

gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/25/business/media/the-onion-...

Alright, stop what you're doin' 'cause I'm about to ruin

The image and the style that you're used to

All you had to do was give Jeff a chance And now I'm gonna do my dance

And to the Onion readers Peace and Humptiness forever

I've actually heard Jeff do the humpty dance live; now I'm thinking you have too

The onion got really unfunny because they got too moralizing on their pet issues. Hopefully they can fix that.

Was that before or after Truth became stranger than Fiction?

the onion has always been political commentary?

Yeah but it wasn't so ham fisted / power to truth.

Any examples?

Exactly! Comedians aren’t funny when they have opinions. They’re only funny when they tell jokes that are carefully calculated not to make anyone upset about anything.

I’d say there’s a difference between expressing an opinion, and moralizing about it. One can make great comedy with the former, while the latter sucks because the comedy is completely subjugated by the message. It’s the same difference between heavy metal and Christian metal. Same instruments, same basslines, etc., except the latter is trying to push you towards belief, and thus it’s annoying.

…what exactly do you think heavy metal is?

Hilarious: Mac Sabbath Pair-a-Buns https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7kFfLRcHjU

Playful: Leo Moracchioli feat. Mary Spender Sultans of Swing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0RV0kgdqJU

It's not like the Church of Satan is actually pushing an agenda to make anybody believe in an actual Satan.

> Pair-a-Buns

obrigado!

Fear of the Dark (QQT) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td3c5rNFLew

Ahhhh, classical air guitar with traditional thin white stick .. nice!

I hope they bring back T. Herman Zweibel. Always found his editorials edifying and educational.

I liked the early video stuff too, the Onion News Network - especially the - “Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work” video

Area man suckered into purchase of declining fake news website

Well done

I expected the site to have a story about grocery inflation gone wild, remarking at the absurd cost of a single root vegetable.

I still refer people to the classic film review of The Sound of Music:

https://www.theonion.com/the-onion-looks-back-at-the-sound-o...

[dupe]

Some more in the Business Insider article which is even more on point because they weren't "sure" if it was real: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40162523

The Babylon Bee covered it over the weekend: https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bee-has-announced-we...

> The Babylon Bee Has Announced We Will Lend Struggling Satire Site 'The Onion' One Of Our Two Jokes

Jeff Lawson has state of Michigan connections. A University of Michigan grad he started a digital textbook company, but was just too early. Then he was founding CTO of StubHub which is based in Detroit.

I regret never actually meeting him though we have some mutual friends in common. Tried to get him to speak at a hackathon I was running in Detroit during his early days at Twilio but he was simply too busy which I can understand. Got Dug Song, cofounder of Duo Security, and he did a terrific job of inspiring all of us.

Why is Michigan relevant to buying The Onion?

http://michiganonion.com/

It is not, just sharing some information about the guy's background a lot of folks might not know. Might explain why he didn't insist in moving them from Chicago and relocating them to the West coast.

Oh good. It might get funny again.

TBD if this works, but this is 100% the kind of thing I want billionaires doing.

More expensive, weird projects that are essentially public art.

Anyone aware of an archive for each of their stories? Not the entire website/home page archive. Would love this in markdown format for an eInk story-a-day, etc.

The funnest fun fact about The Onion is that it was started by the guy that did Jim’s Journal comic strip, back in the mid 90s.

That's not a fact. Scott Dikkers didn't start The Onion, though he was a very early employee: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion#Madison_(1988–2001)

Jim's Journal started in the late 80s, by the way.

Fact adjacent comments SLAMMED by critic on Internet!!

(No beef, here, just very hard to resist in context - mea culpa for my frivolity)

Sorry, but it's now an internet fact:

> Jim's Journal is a comic strip written and drawn by Scott Dikkers, co-founder of The Onion

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim%27s_Journal

Take it up with Jimmy Wales.

Still can't get over "The Sony P.O.S. that doesn't goddamn do what it's supposed to" video..

Awesome. Congratulations, JeffieL!!

Is this the digital version of PE firms buying improv groups around the country?

35 Sponsored (Paid) Articles.

That's how many paid articles are on the front page.

That's insane.

this is one of those stories where you first hear it, you stop and think for one beat and then you say "of course, what an obvious move"

I'll note that most of the comments refer to a different era of The Onion, known as the "Funny" era.

The more recent years have been referred to as the "Meh" era, reflecting the repetitive humor, recycling of jokes, and general lack of energy.

Every once in a while, I check back to see if The Onion got funny again. Still hoping. Maybe this purchase will be the catalyst, the peeling every onion needs over time.

it's definitely been in its 'clapter' era, where there joke is: you should find this funny because you agree with this viewpoint. Every joke about jk rowling barely qualifies as a joke but they go viral for the sake of insulting her.

It's best when it's subversize and zagged somewhat unpredictably.

This whole thread is full of examples from the 'good old days' that are relevant now. If this were the '90s the figure of fun would be somebody else, and somebody back then would also think "well, that barely qualifies as a joke".

Bring back more millionaires doing eccentric things with their money, please.

Well, not like the onion could get any worse (frankly) so I’m hopeful. I think this world would do fine with a bit more self depreciating and satirical humor.

What's bad about The Onion? I've always enjoyed their work.

I used to love it. But in recent years, they only ever seem to make fun of Republican and rarely Democrats. I'd prefer to see them shit on everyone, because they all deserve it.

In recent years one of the two parties was taken over by a reality show host blowhard with no impulse control or self awareness. It would be weird if the media didn't capitalize on that with extra attention.

The worst idea of our time is that there's some sort of law or balance in the universe preventing one party from ever deserving more criticism than the other because there's at all times some sort of magical fixed equivalence or symmetry to their dysfunction.

Sometimes a guy who tweets all day, pays off porn stars, and has to pay $25 million for having run a fake university is just funnier. That's Occam's razor. Pretending there's full dignity in that would be a kind of participation trophy.

“The worst idea of our time is that there’s some sort of law or balance in the Universe preventing one party from ever deserving more criticism than the other.” lol - this sounds alot like the lady who said,"i cant understand how George Bush won, i dont know a single person who voted for him"

Hopefully we will see more periodicals, social media, and comics taking on the far left - between the doddering old man, his dippy VP, and all the weird identity politics theyve mustered up, the jokes write themselves. The Onion cant be any worse.

You're not making any sense.

Current above-the-fold headlines on https://www.theonion.com/politics:

* Biden Carried Away By Ants * Janet Yellen Unveils Plan To Boost Economy By Stealing World’s Largest Diamond * Congress Quickly Passes Funding For National Night-Light After Waking Up From Scary Dream * Biden Surges In Polls After Convincing Terrified Voters He Causing Eclipse * Biden: ‘Israel Has An Obligation Not To Harm My Reelection Chances’ * What Trump Will Do On His First Day In Office * Trump Warns Of Electric Vehicles Raping, Murdering Americans * Kamala Harris Joins D.C. Coworking Space

By my count, that's five stories with a Democrat as the principal character (three specifically for Biden), two with a Republican/Trump, and one mocking Congress as an institution.

That being said, looking through the recent archive it seems like these things come in waves, with a series of stories targeting Republicans (mostly Trump), followed by a few in a row that go after Biden or Harris.

The Onion is still hilarious.

He wants to be Marc Benioff so bad.

I guess it's cheaper than a real news site, and is there any difference anymore? Babylon Bee has become defacto news now. I don't mean this in terms of blaming the left or the right, but just that it's hard for any entity to have any monopoly on the truth anymore. Mainstream, established news sites have to compete against AI-generated content and influencers in the 'news space', which has blurred the lines between truth or fiction or made it hard to know what is real or not.

Sometimes stories can be true and and yet undisguisable from 'fake' news, hence why r/nottheoinion is a thing.

I have seen people on twitter post literal fake news, and it goes viral until later debunked or deleted, which can still take hours even with community notes. Even reputable news sites are still occasionally forced to amend or even outright retract stories. When something chaotic and unexpected happens for which narration is unreliable, like a school shooting, who is right? It's just speculation for the first hour or so until something approaching 'truth' or an 'official narrative' coalesces or congeals.

it's be awesome if the three ppl who downvoted my post could elaborate how i was wrong . It is possible I am way off and someone can guide me to the truth that I am missing here. I think communication is helpful for resolving differences and maybe someone can communicate how I erred that would be more helpful. Thanks.

I wish that there was an equivalent to The Onion with a different political slant, but the quality of the writing in all of the Onion copycats is just plain bad. The Babylon Bee is awful.

The Babylon Bee has got to be the most braindead thing I’ve stumbled upon in a long time.

It has some quite amusing headlines on its front page right now, very Onion-like:

Hamas Thanks College Student Supporters By Promising Them A Quick Death During Global Intifada

College Student So Caught Up Harassing Jews He Forgot About Term Paper On Inclusion

This is one of my favorites from recent years, both funny and really gets to the point:

NCAA Swimming Champ Caught In Possession Of Performance-Enhancing Testicles

That’s just the same joke repeated 3 times.

I downvoted because:

1. Babylon Bee has like 1 good article for every 20-30 lame ones and in general spreads anti-trans hate. It is not news

& 2. fake news is a problem, but fake news doesn't make the onion no different from a real news site. that's silly

>...spreads anti-trans hate.

Hmm, how do you define that? They make fun of trans issues sometimes, but that's not 'spreading hate' in my books.

A sibling comment gives an example headline:

NCAA Swimming Champ Caught In Possession Of Performance-Enhancing Testicles

I was thinking of the one they got kicked off twitter for-

"The Babylon Bee's Man Of The Year Is Rachel Levine"

featuring gems like "UPDATE: Since announcing this award, we've been told that Levine actually identifies as a woman. We have still chosen to give the award as his self-identification has no bearing on the truth. Congratulations, Rachel Levine!"

Gosh, how hateful

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