> the actual issue is disordered expectations from the other party.
There is something called "double empathy problem", referring to the idea that there is a mutual difficulty communicating across neurotypes. Neurotypical people struggle to understand autistic people because of a sort of "language barrier" even without a deficit in neurodivergent communication skills per se.
After all, if neurotypical people are universally great communicators, they would be better at communicating with autistic people than autistic people are, but that's not how it works at all.