You can use an ORM and not explode the number of queries to infinity.

I’ve never seen it in the wild, so I get the blanket ban. In theory though you COULD contain ORM usage behind an intentional data access interface.

I can only really speak for Rails from my own experience, but it most certainly tries exactly 0% to get you to care about this problem. It encourages deeply nested, at all layers of abstraction, through class inheritance and all that garbage, unrestricted access to the database through a very powerful ORM.

You end up tuning performance of queries that end up changing in a month because of this. It’s wild.