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Comment by bckr | Hacker News Reader

You’ve got significant foundational work to do. I’d start with Healthy Gamer GG’s channel[] and also pick up the book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

[] https://youtube.com/shorts/693UD3V1KSU?si=6IiRwP0Q1qRqErnp

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You don't know that this person has lots of work to do on themselves. These things are partially a matter of compatibility, putting yourself out there (which is a thing you do rather than a thing you become), and yes, unfortunately, pure dumb luck.

Being out there a lot is the dumb luck of human propagation. Seems pretty effective.

I do know, because “what if women aren’t interested in you” is a question you don’t ask after a certain degree of development.

I don’t know how long it will take to do this work. With a foundation of personal development and the right attitude, I bet you can go from “what if women aren’t interested in me” to successfully dating in under 6 weeks.

If you need to learn how to develop yourself, it could take 6 months or more before you’re able to internalize the needed lessons.

Been through it. Never really could take any of this stuff all that seriously. Especially after the woman I ended up closest to passed away. I’m mostly wondering how the people who recommend marriage as a solution to a lot of ills (and I think it’s an issue worth exploring but I also think there’s a lot of correlation/causation mixups here) expect people to take action on that.

My heart goes out to you with regard to the death of your loved one.

Do not let death and grieving pull you permanently out of the realm of intimate relationships.

Human connection is foundational to all kinds of success. Taking it seriously has served me well.

Loved one is probably overselling it - she cut me loose for the man she would eventually marry and then passed away a few years later, but it certainly made it all seem even more pointless than before.

I’m mostly responding to all the advice I see about the benefits of marriage. My response tends to be something like, “so…?”. It occurs to me that no one of these people really talks about the benefits of dating, which seems like a pretty significant prerequisite. And again, I suspect there’s a lot of selection effects going into that data as well.

Not that I don’t appreciate your comments.

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