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Comment by koliber | Hacker News Reader

I have not understood the need of a purpose in life until I found myself in situations where direction evaporated. It is discomforting, surprising, and enlightening. This happened a few times, and I learned something new each time. It's a journey of self-discovery. Thinking of it both in grandiose terms as well as in the little habits was helpful.

It's also helpful to see what others do in such situations. Some common situations where the purpose in life changes:

- retirement

- kids moving out of the house

- hitting a grand goal (i.e. buying a house, trip of a lifetime)

- financial sufficiency or independence

- finishing college

Ikigai is a neat lens for exploring this part of self.

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"until I found myself in situations where direction evaporated."

This is the important part. Most people simply work themselves to death and never find the time to ask these kinds of questions. Or, they did ask themselves these questions at one point and realized working themselves to death was a more pleasant route than struggling with such existential problems.

Most people work themselves to death?

Correct.

Inertia ('habits') "at work".

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde

Osho [or Watts?] once noted that men die at 50 from heart attacks because they get all the things society asked them to get, the external pressure of society is no longer pushing them, and they are no longer running from themselves, iirc.

There are three. The third one being "one not knowing what one wants".

> - kids moving out of the house

I've been starting to think about this as i've got maybe 4-5 years left to prepare, it's not that comfortable of a thought. I read an article in the WSJ about new empty nesters and one guy described it as similar to getting fired. Like he had worked so hard for 18 years and then one day he gets "by dad, see you at Thanksgiving" and it was over. haha (but not really haha)

These days, with a record number of post-graduates living with their part, empty nesting is probably a hope for many.

For me, I want my son to be successful and happy, for any definition of the former he wishes. I would not compare it to being fired. It’s unsettling to wait while they figure out life, because you know you cannot short circuit experience by living and failing and succeeding.

I never realized how hard being an empty nester would be, I just thought it would be hard for different reasons.

>Some common situations where the purpose in life changes:

I have best heard these moments called "now what? moments."

That captures the essence perfectly.

While not exhausting nor practical in its absolute, I frequently return to a phrase from The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky:

> You need to love the life more than its meaning.

Purpose in life is important, but for a healthy mind being lost is fine. It's "the next step", something you will inevitably face again.

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