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Comment by WarOnPrivacy | Hacker News Reader

As much as I contributed to my kids growing up under a ceaseless adult presence, I was a bad father. In doing this I deprived them of irreplaceable opportunities to learn self-actuation, learn social problem-solving and earn confidence.

As far as I acted on a baseless fear that they were at meaningful risk of stranger kidnapping, I was a stupid father. That's mostly a different kind of bad father but whatever.

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That second one, god damn it grinds my gears. For some reason, here in Phoenix, we had a constant gossipy murmur about kids getting stolen out of Target parking lots right out if their parents carts or even cars. No news stories, but you’d always hear some (white) woman claim someone “almost” kidnapped their friend’s kid just the other day. When you dig even slightly deeper, it sounds more like someone of color just happened to be walking by as they loaded up their kid in their car.

The kidnapping thing doesn’t happen like that. Not in the US. It happens to vulnerable families at the border who pay unscrupulous coyotes to bring them over.

Might ask how much of these "almost kidnappings" are just another Karen with main character syndrome mindless thinking any kid around them are their kid

In the range of 99.99% I’d wager.

Learn social problem solving with who? There are -no- unsupervised children anymore, anywhere. No sense in kicking yourself, there are no opportunities for the kind of play older generations engaged in available to kids these days.

That’s just plainly false. In my city (Hamburg) I see 8 year olds taking the public transport alone and playing in the streets (no ones with cars) without supervision. I think you extrapolated too far

Europe is different than the US. Childhood is still much more healthy there

Wonder if it has anything to do with the lack of Satanic Panic in the late 20th century. Also, the oversized number of well-known serial killers from around that time in the US.

I doubt it on both counts. People doing weird awful shit is hardly a modern phenomenon and yet prior generations felt no particular need to guard their children around the clock.

Probably because it wasn’t really possible before. Now there is a lot of technology making that easy. One of Apple’s big use cases that they sell is the ability to streamline being an overprotective parent

stares in child labor I feel like you never spent any time listening to your great grandparents talk about growing up.

I've never met my great grandparents, so no.

That's unfortunate, I'm sorry to hear that.

Meh

On the other hand, I feel it has been an enabler - the ability to track their phone if they aren't back home when they're supposed to probably allowed me to let my kids go unsupervised to various activities at least a year or two earlier than I would otherwise have; the phone tracking ability meant that they could go to sports practice at the other side of the city on their own with bikes or public transport (depending on season) instead of being "delivered" and supervised by me or the spouse.

Whatever it was, they really screwed it up for all of us. Parenting is so much harder than it needs to be and children are so much less balanced as a result. They share a big blame for the birth rate decline.

There's a whole spectrum to it in the US. I still see pretty young looking skater kids hitting their spots during class time in the urban area where I live. I'm sure in rural parts kids must be up to similar fun with mountain or dirt bikes too.

Indeed, hence the person I’m replying to shouldn’t have said everywhere

Not true. Probably 10 years ago my kid and two friends played in each other’s yards mostly unsupervised. Only led to one ER visit with a scratched cornea (my kid). But yeah, mostly there are always parent(s) around. 40 years ago I’d disappear for hours with my friends every day in the summer. That doesn’t happen much today.

Not true? Ok, when was the last time you saw a collection of kid-sized bicycles outside the local grocery store, convenience store, or local blue plate joint, with a gaggle of obviously unsupervised kids inside? For that matter when was the last time you saw a group of obviously unsupervised kids anywhere? It's telling that you think a couple kids hanging out in their own yards clears the bar here. If I were to hand my 11 year old a hundred bucks and tell him to be back at sunset how long do you recon it would take before I got a phone call or a visit from the police?

> when was the last time you saw a collection of kid-sized bicycles outside the local grocery store,

Every school day after three in the afternoon - so, half an hour ago (it being 3:30 pm here in Australia GMT+8).

I can't speak to your 11 year old, but I'm happy leaving my grandkids with money .. typically I've let them (and my kids when younger, nieces, nephews, et al) pull molten glass from a furnace from 5 onwards (with half an eye watching from not too far away), relatively unsupervised after they've left primary school.

First year high school is typically 12 or so (IIRC).

Chainsaws, angle grinders, etc. are definitely a high school thing, as is riding bikes to the beach and free diving with a gidgee .. as long as they bring back fish.

As covered elsewhere in this thread this is a uniquely American issue. Sit down, we know we have a problem.

If it's alright with you, and even if not, I'll just keep right on as is.

Maybe you might want to unseat yourself and attend to your problems before telling others what to do. Cheers.

Is playing in your own yard really "unsupervised"? Similarly to you, when I was a kid (in the 90s), I would leave home on my bike after breakfast and come back before dinner. I was maybe ~10yo. Now that was unsupervised.

First time father here and curious about your comment.

Can you elaborate on what was are your grounds for labeling yourself as a bad father?

> Can you elaborate on what was are your grounds for labeling yourself as a bad father?

I mostly label myself a father. There would always have been bad parts but these stand out. They're bad fathering.

As far as grounds for my complaint, my children needed a steady diet of adult free hours. I mostly failed to recognize it, prioritize it and act accordingly.

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