Funny how humans work that this can be experienced so differently I guess!
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/proper-breathing-...
I can relate.
Maybe I can offer a suggestion?
Coarsely there are two fundamental ways to approach relaxation breathing:
# The "anything goes" way
Comfortable pose, breathe at the rhythm and location your body feels like it wants to. Lay a hand whereever you feel the breathing happening. Observe the breathing, its location, rhythm, airflow.
There is no reference point so anxiety usually pop up with questions like "Am I doing this right? Was that inhale too fast/slow?", answer that with: there is no right or wrong way, there is just what is, right now. Maybe it's faster than last time, maybe it's slower; maybe it happens higher or lower. Doesn't matter, all that does is that you realise it doesn't matter, observe while noting then letting go of parasite thoughts, and go through with the exercise. This distances judgemental thoughts away.
# The structured way
4s box breathing and 4-7-8 breathing fall into that category.
Comfortable pose, one hand on chest - which aims to stay still - and one hand on abs - which aims to move -, the purported goal being to aim for diaphragmatic breathing.
It is also about being observant, it does not really matter if you miss the mark, or if your chest moves. The structure aims to provide a guiding pace, like a tow boat.
Anxiety kicks in in two ways:
a) Since there's a structure to follow, there's a reference point, and when you inevitably veer off, thoughts like "I'm doing it wrong" or "I can't do this".
b) Holding breath triggers physical fight-or-flight response, which the anxious mind is prone to listen to, and thus abort, which makes same mind think "I can't do this, I fail" in a vicious feedback loop.
Again, in both cases it's about being observant and not judgemental, essentially taking a moment to breathe is all that matters, even if it's a few seconds, so really the only way to "fail" is to not do it. Anxiety is some internal compass being off, triggering all sorts of fight-or-flight responses; by learning to be observant, anxiety is not eliminated, instead it takes a backseat, breaking the runaway feedback loop.
It's like you sprained an ankle, were incapacitated for a while, and then when the tissue damage is fixed you can't stand in balance on just that leg. That's normal, of course your ankle is weak, your sensations are off and fuzzy, your muscles can't react, what else to expect! That's where physiotherapy helps, relearning how to stand, move, walk, and it's uneasy at first, and it gets better over time.
Personally I had a very hard time even breathing in then holding my breath for 3~4s (heart pounding, growing panic state), so I found that "anything goes" helped me a lot in achieving 4-7-8, and in turn 4-7-8 helped me a lot in achieving 4s box breathing.
Thanks for this. I could 4s box breathing from the start but appreciate that some folks need intermediate steps to ramp up.