1. "Local Man Discovers New Emotion, Still Can't Describe It Properly"
2. "Woman Declares Herself Mayor of 'Laundry Mountain,' Demands International Recognition"
3. "Report: Entire Neighborhood Quietly Competing in 'Who Can Ignore Lawn Gnomes the Longest' Contest"
4. "Man Achieves Personal Best in Avoiding Eye Contact With Neighbors During Awkward Elevator Ride"
5. "Area Cat Develops Advanced Algorithm to Determine Optimal Sunbeam Position"
6. "Parents Host Annual 'Bedtime Olympics,' Compete for Gold in Bedtime Negotiation"
7. "Local Grandma Invents Revolutionary Recipe: 'Microwaved Gourmet' Delights Critics"
8. "Study Finds 98% of Local Teenagers Now Communicate Exclusively in Emoji"
9. "Town Enthusiastically Embraces New Sport: Competitive Eyebrow Raising"
10. "Man Successfully Avoids Family Gathering, Cites Urgent Appointment with Imaginary Friend"
11. "Local Dog Masterminds Elaborate Scheme to Retrieve Favorite Tennis Ball From Neighbor's Yard"
12. "Woman Claims to Have Invented Perpetual Motion Machine, It's Just a Really Entertaining Hamster Wheel"
13. "Town Council Debates Official Sock Puppet Recognition, Sock Population Remains Divided"
14. "Area Introvert Starts 'Silent Book Club,' Members Compete to Read the Quietest"
15. "Local Toddler Declares Teddy Bear Supreme Ruler of Pillow Fort Kingdom"
16. "Man Attempts to Break World Record for Longest Staring Contest With Refrigerator"
17. "Local Pigeons Form Diplomatic Committee, Negotiate Crumb Sharing Agreements"
18. "Woman Forms Support Group for People Addicted to Watching Paint Dry, Attendance Soars"
19. "Town Declares 'Random Dance Party Hour,' Accidentally Boosts Economy With Impromptu Dance Lessons"
20. "Area Man Discovers Secret Society of Sentient Sandwiches, Demands Equal Rights for Hoagies"
The link ([3]) also include 50 actual headlines from the Onion for comparison.