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> For example, what amount of effort is appropriate to prevent a one time event which kills you with say 1 in ten thousand times?

if you value being killed at a massively negative value, then 1/10,000 times that value is still a massively negative value, so the answer is "a huge amount of effort"

For some value of "massive", sure. But for any value of massive, it's 1/10,000th that value. Then you factor in the value derived from taking that risk, and there's your choice.

The reality is that I don't expend huge amounts of effort avoiding tail risks, and you don't either. You might for the ones you're explicitly aware of, but a risk is a risk whether or not you know you're taking it.

Quite a lot. See airbags, seat belts, etc.

One simple way of quantifying this is (amt/cost of harm) * (risk of occurrence)

That's good, assuming the cost of harm is a cost in utility and not in money, otherwise it starts having issues. Make sure you have a good utility function.