Let me share one thing I learned along the way.

I read a book “Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda” as part of my “personal MBA” mini-project.

Here’s the blurb:

   Who of us can claim never to have made a mistake, missed a goal, regretted a choice, or suffered because of another's action? For those who suffer from a constant sense of regret about the past, who feel their present lives have been immutably shaped by actions they could or should or would have taken but didn't, real help is at hand. In clear, uncomplicated language, Dr. Arthur Freeman, a leading exponent of cognitive therapy, and his colleague Rose DeWolf, a skillful translator of the cognitive method, describe the techniques and provide exercises that will enable readers to actually "unblock" the past. The authors demonstrate that woulda/coulda/shoulda thinking can be unlearned and that this process can be accomplished in a relatively short period of time.

Perhaps this can help. In the end, a lot of distress comes from organizational flaws and hiring argumentative people (and lots more) but the point is that you can only control what you can control. You.

I wish I had answers like “why do you say that? Show me a better way” … and so on. Try to find a supportive environment. Work on your craft. Some say to keep a record of your successes. Acknowledge your goofs (to yourself) and work on getting better. But definitely don’t let the past haunt you. Learn from it and move forward.

Sounds like that company violated the “No Asshole Rule” No place is perfect, but your immediate team is really important. Unfortunately, going into a job, they interview you, and not the other way around.

Good Luck