Make your own destiny. You seem like a very ambitious and intelligent person. Don’t give up the job search but start thinking of how you can contribute to society without permission.
I try. My depression is definitely at it's all time worst. I've accomplished some crazy shit at times, but at this point it is very very difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel or any of that which in turn kind of lays this dark, weighted blanket over my world and makes everything feel so very difficult, exhausting, pointless... If that makes sense. I am trying hard to throw that blanket back off me but it is heavy as hell haha
What do you mean by "contribute to society without permission"?
Teach. Build something and share it. Offer your help freely and abundantly. Think outside of yourself. And don’t force your help on anyone, just make your self available and advertise your availability.