Thats not the kids. Thats your lifestyle. There are people with kids living in the jungle on tubers and pigs.
Famously easy to switch to this when you live in an HMO in Statesville, State USA or a housing development in Suburbiton, Townshire UK.
You could hire a chef and a maid to cook your kids organic bullshit every day, fly around the entire world once a month and still come under 10k. Whatever they are doing to spend that much needs to be reconsidered. Insurance, tennis practice, private school, whatever it is. 80% of it needs to be cut, and put into savings or invested at regular intervals. Its just plain irresponsible, and to complain about the cost of kids while waving numbers like that around would piss off 90% of families in the US living well under that outflow.
There are many families in the US, in NY, that make less than 10k/year.
There is some state coverage but the income limits are low (50-70 for 1-2 kids)
https://ocfs.ny.gov/programs/childcare/ccap/help.php#CCAP-in...
Daycare outside of that is incredibly pricey, and if you're as 'blessed' as we were with a multiples pregnancy then the nanny quickly becomes cheaper.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/11/nyregion/child-care-nyc.h...
Which is to say, if you make less than 67 you get sizeable benefit, but if you earn more you are likely net negative (but child positive) until you pass about 100k. That's a scary gap.
You are in a ridiculously privileged state to be able to simply afford that and you act as though it's impossible to get by without it.
Regular daycare costs multiples less than an at-home nanny, just as public school is far cheaper than private+tutors.
So again my point is that these are not necessary expenses but chosen.
And that I know right now people doing skilled and licensed labor-intensive jobs for less than 30/hr.
Unless, as I said, you have a multiples pregnancy.
I don't know where you're getting your figures but two infants is going to be $3k at least, and that's assuming you can transport them to the daycare facility and assuming that the hours line up with your work. 2x that for the city.
I really hope I'm wrong but two adults with full time in-office jobs don't have much choice here.
https://winnie.com/resources/guide-to-child-care-costs-in-ne...
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/comments/dbki6j/childcare_co... [note several years old]
Also, there is a long waitlist, so it needs really good luck to get an "offer" from the day care when you need it.
But your reply was not any more of a practical solution. I was trying to centre it on a more realistic observation that money outgoings are connected to much less easily fixable lifestyle circumstances.
look how much disagreement im getting for even suggesting someone should be spending less than 10k a month on 4 kids. These are resistant responses from people who dont even exhibit the behaviour.
Now I grew up not that long ago. I am still in my twenties and I did grow up in a major city. But I might be able to provide some perspective.
I grew up without a computer except for old donated beaters. Free. For fun we ran around outside, and hit ant piles with sticks. We ate beans and hotdogs, and old clothes from yard sales. There were injuries. Scrapes and bruises.
There was not a single moment me or my siblings were concerned about wealth or costs or feeling poor. We just had an amazing time playing. Balls, sticks, junk, broken bikes, old hammers, string, nails, grocery bags, old books, half used art supplies. Children do not care about quality. They dont care about nice clothes. They dont care about formal education. They just crave stimulation.
Quality stimulation does not come from money. I dont even know that it can be bought.
When I look back and think about what I would change, I wouldnt add daycare. I wouldnt add nice food or clothes or technology, or tennis teams or memberships. I wish I could have seen my dad everyday. I wish my step dad became better friends with me and showed me coding years before he got cancer and died.
Money is just not what kids need.
Just in daycare alone, they should be at ~8k/mo for four (~$500/wk/kid, daycares can't do bulk discounts). I have friends in TN that are at ~1k/wk. per kid with a ~2.5 year waiting lists. Daycare isn't well tied local cost of living in the US.
Also, rent for one person isn't rent for a family of six, it should be a bit higher for the extra space. And $2.5k per month is, nationally speaking, really high for one person! Wow. I had no idea it was that bad in the Bay these days.
lentils and potatos, my friend. lentils and potatos.
How would you go about raising four kids in the Bay?
Not super detailed, but you know, just a sketch. Daycare? Food costs? Housing? Health Insurance? Those kinds of big ticket items. I'd love to know how to get my costs down more.
The reality is that he truly has no clue, he just thinks he knows better and he clearly has pretty low standards. I would say he is the kind that shouldn't have kids because they would probably suffer but he will have them nonetheless and he will rationalise all the corner cutting as something normal even though there is a price paid, he just doesn't know it yet or prefer to deny it.