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> saw one cookie consent form with red meaning "on", and green meaning "off".

Cookie consent forms are specifically designed with all sorts of misleading and user-hostile patterns, so I would not take them as an example of anything. I'm sure there are consent forms out there with checkboxes where checked means no.

If you like to design good UX, you shouldn't look at any cookie consent forms.

That is frustrating, and very bad accessibility.

It should always be grey = off, darker = on.

Except in dark mode when lighter should be on.