I wanted to joke that Apple should increase non-App Store fees to $1000 + 80% per app install to invest those fees into better malware protection, but I also don't want to give Apple any more ideas.
So besides writing a snarky disdainful press release they made sure no one significant ever will use the scheme required by the EU because you'd need to pay through the nose for it.
After the USB C debacle, the EU has learned to include such a clause pretty well, I guess.