Status Limbo

And the one thing I can tell you for sure is I don't give a shit about status, and in many ways it's a super power in that I'm pretty fearless. Never do I worry too much about whether or not I'll have the same job in a year, but paradoxically, that attitude has also made me quite successful.

Imagine an actor or director who's very successful and high status. Then their subsequent work is less well received. They might have a period of "status limbo" while their cultural relevance and status are unclear. If they end up teaching improv in Chicago, they've arguably exited the limbo at a lower status than a star of Hollywood or Broadway.

Young people could also be in "status limbo" by for instance completing a prestigious degree but not yet securing a corresponding job. A 22 year old taking a year after graduating to study for the MCAT is in status limbo. If they score well and get accepted into a top med school - high status. If they don't get into med school, they're an unemployed 23 year old with a minimally useful BA.

Well that was lucky. Imagine spending another $100k for a slightly less unemployable master's.

Then we must not be living in the same world. If nobody cared about status, BMW would be bankrupt, MBAs wouldn't get any students and pigs would fly.

Be thankful you have been surrounded by people who don't so far.

I remember meeting a woman who said she doesn't date men who don't have at minimum, a Masters.

A doctor I matched up with on an online dating app asked me to clarify my occupation, and when I replied, she immediately unmatched lol

I don't want to sound racist by naming specific examples, but certain cultures place a really high value on status.

In the case of America, things get complicated quickly[1] certain subcultures in America place a high value on status symbols, while others place less.

Then of course you have some sub-cultures that look down on anyone who doesn't have at least one piece of designer clothing, and another sub-culture (which may be higher status than the first!) that looks down on anyone who does wear gaudy designer brands!

[1] Of course every country has multiple sub-cultures, but some countries have traditionally been more homogenous than others, although that is also often quickly changing, making any sort of attempt at painting cultures with broad brushes less and less accurate.

In the context of this article, I will say from experience that status limbo is a hard place to occupy for a long time. You often find yourself having to explain yourself when you aren't following the traditional path. It can feel alienating, particularly when you have resources that allow you to follow your inner calling that others do not. It also can be difficult to accept the ego hit that can be felt when moving from a space where you were a high achiever to one in which you are not. But also as the article says, there are many rewards if you can tolerate and persevere through the discomfort.

What humans differ widely in is which status markers they hold as important.

You're right that leverage and energy are what really matter, but those can take a long time to discover correctly. Some people might do you a little favor now but turn out to generally be unreliable or not have much capacity to help over the long time. Someone might make you feel amazing right now, but it's because they are a charismatic charlatan and not an actual good person who will lift you up.

Status markers exist to be heralds of the long-term value that a person offers to their tribe. Good status markers are accurate predictors of those properties, and when we disagree about status markers, we're mostly disagreeing about how predictive we think they are and in what contexts they are reliable.

Very often you will hear people say "X doesn't matter!" on any number of subjects. Maybe it is height amongst males for dating. Or maybe it is income. Or maybe it is status. But what I believe is happening when people say such things is that the person saying that "X" doesn't matter is past whatever threshold is required for that aspect.

The other thing I consider is that these thresholds are actually percentiles across populations. To completely make up numbers for the sake of illustration, maybe 1% of people expect a status of "doctor" or "lawyer", 10% of people expect a status of "white collar professional", 40% of people expect a status of "gainfully employed", etc. The higher up the chain of percentiles you find your own status, the less you probably think status is important because you are noticing that once you are passed the threshold of a person they start to look for other aspects to differentiate you. Stated another way, if you have status that passes 90% of peoples thresholds, you probably think some other aspect of your character is the most important because you rarely, if ever, feel discriminated against because of your status.

This view suggests a strategy. Rather than going "all-in" on any particular aspect (e.g. seeking high-status primarily), one ought to consider all of the relevant aspects and their thresholds.

Limbo implies a conflict of over/under, and someone may be having an internal conflict:

- Should I donate more?

- I like to drive a car that is comfortable, will people think of me different if I buy a sports car because I want to drive a nice car?

- Should I pay for this dinner for friends because I like them and I can afford to, does that change our relationship dynamic negatively? Am I stingy if I don't?

These things could be in service of outward validation, but even if they aren't, because they are actions that end up happening in the world others can see them, which affects status.

The equilibrium I posit is as such: There are three sides to a triangle:

- Who you are

- Who you think you are

- Who others think you are

When all of those things are aligned and you are in the "center" you've reached equilibrium.

> Status limbo is a state of ambiguity and future uncertainty about your status, both in your estimation and as perceived by others.

But overall I agree that the article doesn't have a good foundation in defining status (or even caring about it). The article conflates social status and direction in life and career goals, which are actually all separate concepts (although usually interconnected).

Then again, this article is apparently written for entrepreneurs of high social status, so maybe I don't have the right to comment on it, as a non-entrepreneurial person of indistinct-to-low social status.

Status is a pure social construct without any physical, objective markings.

What you imagine as "deriving my self worth from internal rather than external validation" is purely interiorizing the external validation - in effect, fixing the external validation into your psyche.

Of course, if your own opinion of yourself happens to be at odds with the other's appreciation of you, the mismatch will make your life worse. Nobody likes for long self-absorbed, egocentric people who never seem to "get" any hints.

> Status limbo is a state of ambiguity and future uncertainty about your status, both in your estimation and as perceived by others … status limbo seems to be a universal human experience that we all have more than once in a lifetime.

Sure I’ve had that experience… in grade school. But as an adult? I can’t think of the last time I was concerned with the kind of status that the author is describing.

Uncertainty about my own status? In my own estimation? How could there be? I know me, I like me, I is what I is - what’s to be uncertain about?

Other people’s uncertainty? How? About what? Again, it’s been a long time since I’ve fretted about what others might secretly think of me.

And to tie all this into a job, of all things?

It’s just such an alien perspective, to hear an adult (I assume) worrying over such an… as you say, an ‘imaginary affliction.’ What kind of world must they be living in where such concerns would be legitimate?

Word of the day! Excellent.