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I don't want to justify much, if any, of the behaviour of the incel/redpill crowd but...

For me several years passed between thinking 'I would like to lose my virginity' and said event happening. Should anybody feel sorry for me? No. But I can empathize with some of the feelings that lead people down that path.

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To me, the biggest issue is the hostility of certain crowds that prevents us from discussing and exploring these phenomenons. There is this whole "women don't owe you sex" overreaction that is very quick to silence any discussion.

At the same time sexual satisfaction is strongly correlated with happiness (or depression) and both genders experience very different phenomena here.

The flip side of "women don't owe you sex" is "men don't owe you good sex", or even safe sex for that matter. Many women are sexually unhappy, it's not nearly as easy for them as the typical 'incel' might assume. That's yet another reason why incels do not put any effort into becoming better romantic prospects, they have no idea that they're even supposed to! And dating apps do nothing to address this, either.

Supposedly most men do not reproduce, and it's feasible they shoulnd't, but they still feel like they are supposed to, that's just life

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