This is also in some way where Camus ended up.

I've faced a beginning of life pretty loaded in trauma, and a young adult life where self-inflicting some more was a comforting behaviour in the face of the absurdity of life. When contemplating suicide up close, in some of the aftermath I saw Camus' thesis as a pretty decent way to figure out some sort of "philosophy of continuing to exist".

https://bigthink.com/personal-growth/the-meaning-of-life-alb...