A theory of the modern exclamation point!
annehelen.substack.com
annehelen.substack.com
> I think emailing a paying customer with multiple sentences ending in multiple exclamation marks comes off as unprofessional
Why?
I think Apple could put out an 15 second ad, with just a black background, where in the first second a white Apple logo fades in. And then a several seconds later, a date fades in below the logo. Maybe a soft ocean sound in the background. And people would be eagerly awaiting whatever mystery launch is happening. (Or maybe Apple (or someone else) already has run an ad like this?)
Also, I could see similarities between exclamation use and swearing. Some people swear all the time, so it means essentially nothing. "I like fucking butter on my toast." So they don't have that option to escalate their language in the future. Whereas a person whose previous last use of the f-word was 20 years when they lost their leg in a traffic accident, now says "We need to get this fucking situation sorted out by Friday" gets some extra gravitas.
I often find it nearly impossible to understand coworkers because they couch everything in layers of fluff. Seemingly to avoid coming across as aggressive.
Especially when giving feedback. Please just tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.
It may be related to power differentials: when talking to peers or superiors people tend to use more deferential and roundabout phrasing. When talking to an underling, communication can be much more terse.
That's one of the things I find weird about English. Just saying what you want in a straightforward way is considered "rude" or "aggressive", and you have to add tons of those bullshit expressions like "please", "would you mind", typically at least two or three of them in a single sentence. What a waste of time....
Sorry for sneaky edit :-)
- Tomorrow.
- I'll give examples tomorrow.
- I have good examples to give you tomorrow.
...Do you find the "extra" language is equally required in speech and text? I also wonder if there is a certain conservation of syllables across languages, maybe related to how fast our brains can process speech? And in some languages the syllables are needed for comprehension, and in other language there are "filler" words?
If you want something, go and find it. If you want someone else to provide it for you, ask. Or tell. But don't posit a problem and expect someone to fix it for you.
As a teenager, I stayed in Spain for a month living with a host couple, and I remember the wife telling me that I said "por favor" too much (like asking "could you please pass the salt?" at dinner) asked for things too much, and generally acted overly polite. For example, it's apparently more common in Spain to order food at restaurants like "Give me a coffee (please)" and not "I would like a coffee, please". All this was in Spanish; I'm just translating what we said into English.
"Hand me that." An order, a directive, as one might issue to a servant.
"Hand me that, please?" A question, a request, a favor, as you might ask of someone you respect.
You do have a point, though. Passive voice can be a lot more wordy / harder to parse, but people often use it to be more polite sounding.
Do English speakers generally not use "please" and "thank you" with servants?
That said, I have absolutely seen people be excessively polite in a way that comes off as non-genuine, but they are always ESLs. I assume they just have a hard time seeing the line, so they try to play it safe.
I wonder if on a subconscious level people give me the too-aggressive feedback for the same reason women get that feedback: I’m an immigrant and acting too much like an equal.
From what I heard, this "corp-politeness" is somewhat of a meme in foreign software developer teams and is often mocked.
https://twitter.com/kaitfeldmann/status/1480629739542888451?...
Interesting. I would have thought the opposite. Save the exclamation for emphasis, especially for something like "No!".
It’s very distinct to me as the difference between these sentences:
> Thanks, Alice!
> Thanks, Alice.
Now I’m curious about how others see it. Does one of the examples read more aggressive, more friendly, less genuine, etc.?
"Thanks Alice! That loan of $1,000 you gave me got us over the hump so that the bank didn't foreclose on the orphanage."
Seems more heartfelt and genuine than:
"Thanks Alice! For passing me the menu sitting on the table at lunch today."
"Boom! The sudden explosion rocked the mine-shaft, causing a cave-in that blocked the exit and filling the corridor with an almost asphyxiating amount of fine airborne dust."
"'Help!' she cried as the giant sea monster drug her under the water..."
...seem perfectly acceptable. I don't know, maybe they just seem informal, and so shouldn't be used in communications where you want to be taken seriously. E=m·c²! Seems like you are trying too hard. But that's a bit strange now that I think about it, because exclamation points also seem like a lazy way to keep the readers interest. So it is potentially doubly cursed; trying too hard, and yet you are too lazy to even do that right. So maybe that's reason it requires a lot of finesse to use exclamation points properly! And a good excuse to use them sparingly.
I'll have to retract that. There are political speeches where the exclamation point adds more than it detracts. For example, most transcripts of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech includes exclamation points, but interestingly enough, don't have them in the same places. Also, Patrick Henry's "Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death". No exclamations that I can find in transcripts of JFK's "Ask Not" inaugural speech; maybe some should be added? Nor in Churchill's "We shall fight on the Beaches". I'd be interested to hear other's thoughts on adding one after "We shall never surrender" (@1:24 on [1]). But that doesn't necessarily give free reign. There are no exclamation points in the Gettysburg Address or the Declaration of Independence.
A lawyer I know told me, about 25 years ago (before email was really common place everywhere), something I never forgot. I'm paraphrasing but it went like this:
"When a would-be client sends me a letter with some words or a sentence written in a size 16 font in bold red characters and ends the sentence with three exclamation marks, I refuse that person as a client. They're impossible to deal with. They're people convinced they're always right and you cannot make reasoned arguments to these people.".
That works both ways, girl.