Ask HN: Coping with Career Dread | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Coping with Career Dread

12 pointsthrowawaydreams7 comments

How do you all cope with various forms of career dread?

Specifically, work taking the joy out of a craft I love, interpersonal conflict making work less enjoyable, and the feeling that I will never achieve anything meaningful.

Rationally, I know life is long, that work should be work, and that not everyone achieves anything at all, to reframe my achievements and that perhaps I should just tough it out and earn a wage + support my family. Or perhaps I should do hobby projects to fill this void - but that feels like it misses the point.

Emotionally, I always feel this pang that I won’t do anything worthwhile at all and that all my hard work will be for naught.

More specifically -

I am a dilettante of sorts, and have a deep passion for software engineering and technology in general. I attended a good CS uni, worked a big FAANG style job and also startups that have gone on to be widely used. However I have this nagging feeling that none of it is really meaningful, that my dilettante nature means I will never have authority at work, and that 15 years from now, I’ll have no energy to do anything because corporate America will have drained me and the burdens of family will shackle me to an unfulfilling wage. Sure, these thoughts come with tremendous privilege but don't I have a moral obligation to find a better path, given my privilege?

I understand the normal, rational arguments against some of the things I am voicing, yet have not been able to design a life that satisfies me. I want the central focus of my day to be intensely meaningful and intellectually satisfying - does anyone have any tips for a perhaps misguided, potentially naive, soul?

I think I might be future you, perhaps 10 years ahead of where you are. Also a dilettante by nature, I've spent time working across multiple roles, levels of seniority, technology stacks and business domains and I think this variety of experience has ultimately helped my career.

I've progressed up the corporate ladder about as far as I care to. My days are now largely spent bridging the gap between business folk and technologists, helping design or remediate systems and processes, and guide both sides of the divide towards a place of least regret.

That said, corporate life has drained me. My role often boils down to trying to make lemonade from the rotten lemons thrown my way. As a manager I am responsible for selling corporate BS that I don't believe in to the team, and taking on other's problems as my own.

I am however paid reasonably fairly for my ability to keep the team productive and the lemonade flowing. And this allows me to pursue things that do bring meaning to my life, as well as consider saving for an early retirement. I could find a job that is better for the soul, but it would likely delay retirement or mean I would have to cut back on other fun activities.

As it is I volunteer at a number of local charities, and try to spend my non-work time doing things that are good for the soul (outdoor activities, travel, photography, music, reading, making things etc).

My current perspective is if you have a job that pays well, allows you to support your family and maintain interests outside of work, even if the job is just barely tolerable, you're probably doing okay. Stick at it. Just make sure that you do try to 'balance the books' with enriching activities, because a lack of balance can catch up with you quickly.

Great answer! What kind of activities keep you alive?

> Specifically, work taking the joy out of a craft I love, interpersonal conflict making work less enjoyable, and the feeling that I will never achieve anything meaningful.

Regarding the interpersonal part, I prefer working with computers than with humans. This leads to the revelation that I should go as low level as possible and stay as far away from business as possible -- business people such as sales manager, marketing VP etc. are the sort that I prefer not to interact with for my whole life -- not because of any emotional bad feeling but just because time is precious so I want to focus on what I love to do. I do understand I cannot completely cut business people from my life but there is a huge middle ground.

Not sure if you feel the same. I'm old enough to not blush when admitting the above publicly, but you probably don't feel the same way or don't want to publicly admit if you do. But if you do then please consider going into the deep labyrinth of system programming.

The variable you have largest impact on is your cost of living. If you try to live somewhat non-conventionally (which is not hard, given that most software engineers are essentially mindless consumers), you can live on a fraction of what you thought was possible.

The financial surpul will allow you to save, and eventally to buy free time with that savings. Once the free time is acquired, you can try to do something meaningful with tech. This will lead to either the meaning you're lacking or, a discovery that tech is not that meaningful to you, which might lead to other priorities.

Realistically the only escape is bootstrapping a company. Start now and win your freedom.

I agree with everything you said, and people always acted like there was something wrong with me.

I guess a lot of us are in the same boat. As others mentioned, the best option is to start something on your own.

> Or perhaps I should do hobby projects to fill this void - but that feels like it misses the point.

I don't think that misses the point at all. I think that is the point. Work to live, don't live to work.

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