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Comment by flipgimble | Hacker News Reader

Its fairly obvious that an anonymous stranger on the internet, or a politician proselytizing for their punative economic policies is _not_ that type of friend. But it seems some people derive a great deal of satisfaction out of imaginging themselves as knowing better how people should live their lives.

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It may not be a much better approach than pandering and patronizing their feelings, but it's probably at least a little bit better.

Unsolicited internet judgement and condescending advice is worse than nothing and significantly worse than compassion. Too many people on the internet are way too over confident in their assessment of others' situations, and I dare say that with your 'tough love' position on this, you may be one of them.

Ha! I'm not telling anyone (else) on here to "get a job". I'm saying there may be someone in your life that needs to hear something painful. Maybe just once, at the right time.

Sure, but it requires a relationship and deep knowledge about their situation. I think we're talking about different things. Talk to your friends however works for the situation and your relationship with them.

However, If some rando tells me to do something either obvious or pointless in a condescending way (which is pretty much what the article is talking about, and very common even in this comment section talking about it) it is 100% of the time way more harmful than helpful.

> The problem is that sometimes humility and compassion are not what's needed. Sometimes a person needs a kick in the pants. A close friend willing to tell you to stop impulse buying furniture, or get a fucking job, or get off your ass and work out.

> The tricky part is knowing when which tactic is called for.

That was my original comment. I'm not sure when it got twisted into that straw man, but it seems like we agree.

>an anonymous stranger on the internet, or a politician proselytizing for their punative economic policies is _not_ that type of friend

You replied to the above with

>It may not be a much better approach than pandering and patronizing their feelings, but it's probably at least a little bit better.

It's not better. That's all. If you missed that and were never talking about unsolicited advice from strangers, then I'm sure we agree.

Fair. I think I got confused by the split thread. Although, I stand by my response there. They're both crappy ways to respond, but I have a particular repulsion for patronizing, cloying false empathy that contributes to the ubiquitous feeling of victimhood that is natural to human beings but seems to be supercharged in the modern era.

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