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Comment by jader201 | Hacker News Reader

I’m a parent of two mostly grown boys, one of which was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age, so he definitely had behaviors at a young age that were challenging.

But even I’m having a hard time rationalizing that replacing windows with plexiglass was the first solution that worked. It seems like there are a number of other things that would’ve helped without having to go to that extreme.

But I do get it — every child is different, and every parent has different methods for approaching challenges.

Just saying that this feels extreme, even from the perspective of another parent.

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I didn't read the story as the plexiglass working for anything other than eliminating recurring bills of replacing windows. Clearly, the tantrums did not stop as the plexi was all scratched up. So to me, your hard time rationalizing is probably because it's not something that needs doing. Sometimes, you have to stop the bleeding before you can fix the actual issue.

It makes a lot of sense to me. If a kid keeps breaking something, stop giving it to him.

Kids (and adults) often have an impulse to make problems worse once they know they are in trouble. If they don’t have the opportunity to do that then there is a shorter path to calm down and talk.

Like if you know your kid cheated on a test, don’t ask them if they cheated and give them a chance to lie. Just start by saying you know they cheated and why.

As a non-parent, I might replace the window with acrylic simply to deny the child the satisfaction of destroying plate glass

Most parents would tell you that having a child learn how to deny satisfaction is a huge detriment. If they learn it from a parent it’s almost impossible to constructively address.

Can you restate that for me, because the way I read it, you are saying that if you teach a child how to deny satisfaction it is a negative.

I think there is evidence to show that children who can't delay/deny satisfaction end up making significantly poorer life choices and have worse lives.

Anecdotally, every teenager I knew who couldn't accept delayed/denied satisfaction were absolute shits.

> Can you restate that for me

Definitely. I appreciate when someone asks for clarity.

The part I was talking about was “denying the child the satisfaction” as in the parent intentionally frustrating the child to teach them a lesson. I tried to take a shortcut by using the same wording as the person I replied to but I can see how that made it unclear.

The point I meant to make is that if a parent uses that technique to teach lessons in that way it’s likely that the child learns to use that technique themselves and turn it on the parent.

Further: If a child learns this type of technique from a parent it can be very hard to stop them from using it.

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