People say that to communicate or exaggerate how much work they’re doing as a parent. They might also be fishing for sympathy or trying to signal that they want you to cut them some slack.
Personally, I’ve lost patience for parents who think they’re martyrs or who think that complaining about their kids is a great casual conversation topic. As a parent of young children myself I find I’m much happier spending time with other parents who acknowledge that parent is work, but aren’t fishing for sympathy or pretending to be martyrs at every turn.
Yeah, parenting is more work than not being a parent, but people who pretend like it’s the end of their lives or the worst thing in the world are just unnecessarily cynical or have a martyrdom complex.
Probably. But also seems to me very likely to be a lack of proper orientation in what considers good, ascribes value to, etc.
I bet the single most important factor in determining how difficult people find parent to be is money.
I personally don't know any parents who regret having their children, but that doesn't mean they haven't known hardship or bad luck, including when it comes to their kids. However, I also have child-free friends who are deeply troubled or unhappy.
On the whole, I've concluded it isn't a big factor.
I tend to find my friends who are parents are more productive in their 30s and 40s than those who don't have kids, because it forced them to learn planning and time management, and their non-kid activities benefited as well. I think this may be compelling to many on HN.
If you have kids, you're committing to an experience that is more full of meaning and joy than anything else you can do.
But a huge fraction of the time is just work or suck-- far more than you get to revel in that meaning and joy. And you give up a lot of other options. And there's no escape from the struggle.
(I'm a father of 3 boys; they're awesome; I don't regret my choice. Though, it would be 10x better if I could have the best of both worlds and take a true break for a week or two every now and then ;)
That being said, I wouldn't feel anywhere this fulfilled if I didn't have children, I haven't regretted having them. I would have probably gone up to 4 if society did not make it this hard (economically speaking but many things become annoying too).
There is so much free time without children, no doubt. Doing nothing on the weekend is a pleasure I can only enjoy in small chunks, since I usually must do something for them.
That might be about you, specifically?