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thou afaik the spec does not include any provisions for direct messages (as technically it's only a group with two members), leaving the mess up to the clients.

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Where are you getting this? My memory is the exact opposite: XMPP targeted one-to-one messages first and then MUC was a sort of weird bolt-on.

apologies, my memory must have gotten mixed up.

point stands, as both deliver a subpar experience with either dm's or groups

That's true for Matrix, not XMPP.

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