Ask HN: How can I have a stable career when I don't like talking to most people? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How can I have a stable career when I don't like talking to most people?

32 pointssuperide16 comments

I'm born into lower income parents and don't have many connections let alone connections to "higher places". I am single, I have only a handful of friends that I talk to regularly and I am happy with that.

I don't want to live for my job, and don't care about company social events or other events for professionals. I want to have a good, steady career without increasing my social activity for work as I get older. I'm a total homebody. Would rather watch TV and movies and do solitary hobbies when I'm at home, find my future partner online and have the rest work itself out.

Currently I'm unemployed but I still have an odd kind of optimism that cold applying will get me a job. Either I should work on my deficiencies, or work on my strengths and not worry about the "network" approach, which can be a better pick?

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Never live for your job but live for the craft.

In general you should work on your strengths because those are the items that will stand out. But there are minimum knowledge requirements in other areas that can hold you back. Figure out what's holding you back from interview feedback cycle.

Being good at one specific thing makes it easier to get a job vs being a little bit good at everything. But it limits you.

The social stuff can be positive or negative. Not going to the christmas party is better than going getting drunk and offending someone. I stopped going to these things because little good can come out of them and a lot of bad. Risk management. In general it's safer not to interact much with others at work or voice political or religious opinions. I think these days your non-social approach might work out better.

>> I think these days your non-social approach might work out better

No, that's not possible - in the end all important decisions are still made by humans ( I'm still waiting for chatGPT 7 executive edition ) with their emotions and feelings being their decision center.

And while this is true, if someone isn't monstrously inept in social settings, the most important thing he can do is being out there to leave positive marks on other folks perception of himself/herself.

You can think that good work speak for itself, but the truth is that without leaving and breathing advocate it will be lost in translations.

Network needn't mean talk to a million people. You can also value the depth of connections. And just being heads-up about opportunities with that group.

Networking doesn't just mean seeking things out for your self interest, but IMO helping and serving others. Which can just be your small friend group. It can also just mean "doing your job really well" which is a big help.

Networking can mean that those in your network will actively seek you out to tell you about an opportunity. If you're actively helping others, reciprocity is somewhat natural human response

It's not really, IMO, about cold-calling a bunch of randos and asking for help. It's about building deep connections and helping others professionally. What goes around, comes around, often in positive and unexpected ways.

I've been aware of the advice that it's better to rely on good referrals for a better chance at getting jobs than applying en masse so I know what you mean.

But at this point in life, I lost interest in finding deep connections with the majority of people I meet.

My network rarely tells me about jobs. But honestly I don't expect them to. Computing technology is very foreign to the close people in my life and I don't expect them to know much of what my professional needs are. I don't really go out of my way to help others- I am a recluse after all- unless you can count keeping them company for a while as "helping".

I hang out with friends very sparingly and don't expect them to help out with a referral. I barely know anyone working in my field and my only friend that worked in tech left mid-career and became a landlord.

Cold applying to local jobs on Craigslist from small places has historically been my most reliable source for jobs. More reliable than any recruiters, other job boards, or professional contacts (which have been 0% success with them).

Despite the low reputation CL has, it has treated me the best out of the possible sources I've tried. I'm not saying they are quality jobs, but they are jobs. I am impoverished, however and only reason I'm not homeless is savings and a free ride from the government.

I don't see anything wrong with having only a handful of friends. However, the "find my future partner online and have the rest work itself out" seems pretty speculative.

You might find volunteer work a way to ease into a more social way of life. This would not have to be full-on social. Food banks and community kitchens also need people to pick up supplies, wash dishes, and sweep floors.

Short answer is: for the most part, you can't. Even if you built a product as a solo entrepreneur, you'd have to at least like talking to customers.

Business = people - you'll need to play the game your company asks you to play, or find a company which does not put much attention to peoples social life.

Having said this, I currently work in place where we do not gather too often, actually we don't meet even once a year. All comms happen over slack/gmeet, with max. 1 meeting a day. I'm not extrovert so I like it that way, but other team members can sit on huddle for most of the day.

Your writing is nice and coherent. Maybe put more effort/energy into writing more, polish your skills further, increase depth, and develop some reputation around that. People may come to value your expertise and inputs. Of course, it may take a while before you can find the right niche/medium for it to be a foundation for a "stable career".

If you are talented enough there are places that treat remote workers like drones. Throw Jira tickets over the wall and expect code to come out. Most people find this to be a bad place to work but you might like it

I love those "throw tickets over a wall" jobs and it's the most common workflow I've been accustomed to. They tend to be very straightforward with what is expected of you and I get to avoid most of the noise of infrastructure and deployment pipelines.

The crux of the problem is still a people-related one- job interviews. I get interviews but no offers, failing at various steps in the process.

And past experiences appear to show that I am incapable of learning how to interview properly. Interviews are the opposite of straightforward and I have a learning deficiency with most things interview-related.

You may massively benefit from having a greater foundational knowledge of transactional analysis, both as a tool to understand how to efficiently manipulate the thought processes of others and as a tool for incisive self-inquisition.

I recommend the 1964 book Games People Play, which should be available at any decent library (possibly from an inter-library transfer). If it isn't at a library near you, it has additionally been uploaded to libgen.

Read How to Make Friends and Influence People. It sounds like you would benefit from learning the “rules” of conversation. You might even find out you like people more than you thought.

Sounds like you are made for a full-remote position

Plumber and similar trades allow for being a lone wolf drop an assignment and go away until I call you its done.

I don't think you have a problem you need to solve on this directly. Be careful to present this as being a no nonsense professional who wants to solve the business problems that should be a mutual priority and make sure you show a little decorum (I.e. acknowledge things were said and that they are serious topics when appropriate) while redirecting conversations back on topic.

Most people will respect that and gain from a person who behaves that way even if they might resent staying on topic.

Get good skills so everyone wants to hire you. No need to talk to anyone unless necessary.

My biggest regret is that I didn't have a good enough skill.

By skill I meant hard, technical skills which I think appeal more to you.

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