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Comment by alexjplant | Hacker News Reader

My personal favorite is the third-person equivalent "if that's what makes them happy..." While this turn of phrase can be used to talk about an innocuous difference of opinion I've heard it abused a _lot_ in professional settings by low-performing obstructionists who are entrenched and upset with others that make their coasting more difficult or move on to better opportunities.

"Mary wants to go make more money at a place that doesn't play security theatre with 15-year-old EOL'd web frameworks? If that's what makes them happy..."

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That's an interesting take. I use that phrase a lot, but in a sincere way.

I use it to mean - I don't understand why they're into it, but if that's what makes them happy, then that's really what's important. It's not for me, but it could be for someone else, sort of thing.

Language is weird.

I think it comes down to tone and which word from that phrase is emphasized. But I agree with you as well, I always took it as "its none of my business and if it makes them happy then that's all that matters"

Yeah, I sometimes use that phrase in reference to a person doing something I wouldn't do but without the intention of begrudging them of it. I hate to think anyone has ever thought I was being passive aggressive over such phrasing.

IMO this is one of the annoying things about passive aggression. It has stolen the language of “I don’t get it but I’m happy for those who do” and made it into something mean spirited.

Tone matters a lot with this.

If you just sigh a "If that makes you happy" and then sulk to do whatever... that's not a positive message. Apathy, defeated, such things.

On the other hand, a sincere "If that makes you happy, let's go" is a very different thing. This is more in line with what we have at work at times - "I disagree with this plan, but it is the plan chosen by us all, so I will support it to the best of my abilities", or "I don't care either way, but you chose left, so left we go to the best of our abilities". If we can only get the right ice cream 2 hours away from here, alright? I have nothing better to do right now and if you give me a day, I have an icebox ready.

I concur. It's kind of like saying "good for you" which can be either congratulatory or completely sarcastic depending upon the context. I always try to throw in an adverb like "sincerely" or "truly" to avoid ambiguity when I say stuff like this to avoid sounding salty.

huh? I've only heard that said if someone has an unattractive s.o.

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