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Comment by plz-remove-card | Hacker News Reader

I've been in similar situations before, and even quite recently and I've started taking a more stoic approach to work and it's greatly helped my metal health.

That is to say, I focus on what I can change or improve and let someone else deal with the rest. I've put too much energy in the past on things I can't change, broken processes that everyone else is completely OK with, lack of testing/CI, horrible leadership teams, bad architectural decisions. If I can change any of those things I do, but a lot of time it's political and really difficult, you often have to "boil the frog slowly."

I also try to squeeze the absolute most I can out of the job to advance my career. Any chance I can to gain a new skill or improve existing ones, or just work on something interesting, that's what I'll do.

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> a more stoic approach

I tell myself to be more stoic every week, but I can't.

If I just wanted a well-paying job with a good work-life balance, I'd be working in fintech.

I keep this mental image: I'm on a ladder, and my CTO is standing above me and won't move. If he could either move at my pace focusing on bigger problems than me, or get out of the way, I could make this work better for both my employer and myself.

If there was just a way to nudge him into place.

There is an Andrew Tate soundbite [1]:

> "There is a secret to the universe [...]: If you actually try your best, you can't lose. Not pretend to try your best, not try your best 90% of the time, not try your best with excuses. If you genuinely try your best all of the time, all day, every day, [...] it is impossible to fail in this life. [...] You cannot fail if you try your best."

Maybe when I have kids, I will feel like I won the lottery, and I won't be so competitive.

Until then, I don't know what will be my life's work.

But I know that cultivating a relentless attitude maximizes my impact.

If I could just learn to be nice about it.

[1]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AgEuHFl4TU

> a lot of time it's political and really difficult

I can sense the political dimension in this.

Being a tiny startup made of awesome inventors, it's a lot less than most places I worked.

We need a CTO for CTO-y stuff. In many ways I'm happy this isn't my responsibility: Slides for board meetings, putting on a suit and shaking hands at conferences, hardware certification paperwork, and the really hard work: Be responsible for all software, hardware and material design.

The step I'm making (Senior to Lead) is much smaller than what my CTO is trying (middle management to CTO in a very technical industry), so he is expectably meeting more resistance than me. I can really understand and sympathise with his difficulties. But I cannot respect his coping strategies.

> advance my career [...] gain a new skill or improve existing ones

This is excellent advice, thank you.

I think a more stoic approach could alleviate the suffering while still allowing you to brainstorm possible solutions or pathways - just with less turmoil.

Try your best, iterate, explore. Completely detached from success on a timeline. Expect failure and be pleasantly delighted by gradual success.

This is super valuable, thank you.

I've interpreted "be stoic" as "let it slide".

But now I'm going with "don't get caught up arguing with yourself or him."

For example, I'm minimizing meetings that don't impact my execution positively.

I'm convinced the frustration ultimately stems from my attempt to level up.

I agree that you should try your best 90% of the time, without pretending, and without excuses. I entirely agree with that statement. There's nothing wrong with being competitive, you absolutely should be competitive! You don't have to be nice about it either but you do have to be strategic.

You can still make a significant impact by putting all of your effort into the highest impact things that are in your control. I wasn't trying to say anything about work-life balance. And definitely was not suggesting you don't put your full effort and best ability into it!

> my CTO is standing above me and won't move. If he could either move at my pace focusing on bigger problems than me, or get out of the way, I could make this work better for both my employer and myself.

Inside every obstacle is a chance to improve your condition. However, is this the obstacle worth spending your time and effort on? Can you get him to move out of your way? Is there any way that you can control that? Maybe there is, maybe not? Maybe you have to do some schmoozing, maybe some office politics, is that worth the return? You can see it as a challenge to overcome or one to avoid so you can maximize other efforts in other areas.

> Until then, I don't know what will be my life's work.

Do you want it to have been wasted on arguing with a bozo? Or designing and building something world changing?

I don't have the answer I'm just offering some perspectives. Wish you the best of luck!

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