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Comment by muhblah | Hacker News Reader

Thanks, also had this discussion with a colleague (obviously not having ADHD) who thought he understands what I’m (having ADHD diagnosed) talking about and I argue he does not. I then almost started to doubt my own perception abilities InsertHugeFacepalmHere

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If you ever forget or wonder if you have ADHD vs being inattentive, just look back at its affects on your romantic relationships and how much it damaged them or made them more difficult.

How often a partner probably told you that they felt neglected or forgotten, or how often you'd wind up in a rabbit hole and forget that you also have to nourish that relationship.

Totally agree. I stopped counting long time ago.

Oof. This hits close to home. I have ADHD and my partner recently ended a four-year relationship for several reasons but feeling neglected and like she had to fight to get my attention was one of them. We didn't consciously realize this was a major problem until it was too late. And now reading this thread I'm realizing wow yeah I really wasn't doing a good job of paying attention to her and her needs even though I cared a lot about her, now this is something to be aware of and put effort into changing in my next relationship.

It's something that I unfortunately didn't put 2+2 together until my 30s after ruining quite a few and always wondering why I would be so enamored with someone and they never felt like I was giving them enough.

And my most recent ex was anxious attached. That was rough. I'm far more on the avoidant side, not sure how much of that is upbringing vs adhd.

There's a bunch of books about marriage/relationships with ADHD people. I haven't read any but I should. The lady in this video has written a bunch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pyAfOPGKlI&t=1s

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