>a vague long-term uptrend in prices makes something a store of value
A stable and 100% predetermined issuance schedule, along with its scarcity, it's what makes Bitcoin a good store of value. The steady uptrend in prices is the consequence.
>useless technology.
Just because it's functionality is limited it doesn't make it useless. A store of value that doesn't require boring the planet, or building empty houses, seems like a great improvement to me. I think that you are conflating the cryptobro culture, with the true value that Bitcoin brings to the table.