Comment by supertofu | Hacker News Reader

Comment by supertofu | Hacker News Reader

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I've also had intense, beautiful relationships via chat that were completely flat IRL. A soul-crushing experience to my younger self.

I think the other commenter nailed it: in text-only chat, you end up projecting your own ideals upon the other person.

Human communication is full of nonverbal cues which do not translate at all over text. In absence of those nonverbal cues which our brains are (usually) wired to pick up on, we end up mining the text for semiotic constructs which conform to our ideals of the other person, rather than the reality of the other person.

This is done subconsciously, and doesn't become obvious until you meet the person in real life and they are completely different from what you imagined.

> Human communication is full of nonverbal cues which do not translate at all over text. In absence of those nonverbal cues which our brains are (usually) wired to pick up on, we end up mining the text for semiotic constructs which conform to our ideals of the other person, rather than the reality of the other person.

Fantastic explanation.

> Human communication is full of nonverbal cues which do not translate at all over text. In absence of those nonverbal cues which our brains are (usually) wired to pick up on, we end up mining the text for semiotic constructs which conform to our ideals of the other person, rather than the reality of the other person.

I don't agree because this is a two-way street. Some people just communicate more directly in chat than in real life, especially because the nonverbal and physical side is not throwing off distractions all the time.

There are many "nonverbal" cues you can pick up on in a person if you know them very well in a chat environment. The time they suddenly need to reply if you ask them something emotional. The wording they use that is slightly off. Things like that.

Also, I don't really imagine the other person if all I have is a nickname. They remain just that, an entity. I don't imagine their physical appearance at all.

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