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Comment by mvncleaninst | Hacker News Reader

How do people here even make time for dating in the first place? At least for me atm, doing part time graduate school, job, and interview prep, I feel so burned out after it that I don't want to do anything

And I'm probably not even in as deep as some people here, some of this computer stuff is so ridiculously time consuming. I'm not even working on anything remotely hard, but still: how the hell do you make time? Without sacrificing your own projects?

It's something I've been thinking about for a while now. How do all of the people maintaining all of this hard, important shit get to where they are and still manage to have some semblance of a life? Not only just maintaining the stuff, but learning all of the background necessary to get there

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If you don’t have time for dating you probably won’t have the time for a meaningful relationship. Maybe once you get the job offer you want and are done with grad school you will have the time?

It's fairly easy to make time for dating I find. I mean it requires the odd evening out and the odd day sacrificed which is manageable. The problem is that when you are successful you have no free time for your projects and stuff suddenly at all and that goes on forever.

Source: was married for a couple of decades and have had a couple of 6-12 months long relationships since. I have kids already, a full time job and am doing a second degree part time so I'm sure if I can manage it anyone can ;)

It all boils down to priorities in life at that moment

I'm doing well by mapping out my days. I have all my projects written down, with dating being one of them. And then I just plan at what day I do what. Of course life gets in the way, but more often than not I stick to my plans. You'll always struggle if you're trying to do more than you can fit into a day, but writing and explizit planning helps setting the priority.

Your battle is with yourself. You chose to impose grad school on yourself.

Yeah and I don't regret it either

That PhD won't keep you warm at night, or meaningfully get you a better job, but at least it'll let you pretend intellectual superiority over others. That's the important thing.

I've been there. Keep your nose to the grindstone, and you might accomplish your goals. Stop to smell the roses, and you're brain may relax enough to find a solution that's been eluding you. But since you sound new to both, my advice is: don't mix date-finding with job-hunting. Both are full of blows to the ego, and rejection and desperation form a vicious cycle.

Currently, in the same boat. Grad school + full-time job + TA work (I know I'm an idiot for doing TA work on top of this). I have no social life, I barely have time to cook.

Honestly, for all their flaws this is something that dating apps do make easier: fitting dating into a busy schedule. It doesn't take that much time to set up a profile, do a bit of swiping and have a few conversations.

Of course, the actual dates take time, but it is not difficult to make time for a date with someone you like because it's something you want to do. Actually getting to that point is what took a lot of time before dating apps because you basically had to spend a lot of time in a situation (like a bar) where you might encounter someone compatible and hit it off with them. (Back in the day people just did this at their job but I think that is less acceptable in Western society now.)

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