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Comment by hereforcomments | Hacker News Reader

I'm so happy that I dated pre-dating app era, between 2005-2010. There were dating apps but not that mainstream. I walked up to my wife and her friend with some BS reason at a club, kept on the conversation and boom 10+ years together.

I'm average looking, she has a beautiful face and has been dancing since the age of 4. I'd have 0 chance with these kind of girls on dating apps. Absolutely 0.

Another good thing, that time social media have not yet screwed up people's self esteem and that helped a lot -> she has not overrated herself, I have not underrated myself.

We've been dating in person for a couple of billion years, we are hard-wired for that as body language tells a lot more in a fraction of a second than any made up profile text and over edited photos.

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This tweet was great https://twitter.com/lolennui/status/1484658321374076928

"do married people watch gen z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam"

You can still meet people today outside of dating apps. A good friend of mine met his gf at a surf hostel. I met my gf on a boat in the Maldives. I think most people would objectively say she is out of my league if they saw us in a photo together.

I think the hardest part about meeting someone is being in a situation to meet them. If your life is something like: sleep -> eat -> work -> repeat, it's very hard to meet someone.

Traveling makes it much easier on my opinion.

Traveling really only makes sense if one of you wants to move or want to have a long distance relationship. Both of these are rare attributes for meeting people while traveling.

Most of the women I meet while traveling are also not single. They’re with their partners whereas many men will travel solo. Traveling solo isn’t a thing most women will do at all. Many men will.

Congrats! 10+ years is nice.

At the same time I was using online dating site. It helped to accelerate the search and filter candidates. I could save time rejecting illiterate and/or less clever girls. Think about Google maps and real estate search - you don’t want a house on the highway.

I wouldn’t use that today. Full of fake profiles to lure paying customers and to keep them as long as they can. Free subscription is not existing anymore.

You don't even realize how objectifying your wording is, do you?

Picking a partner is not pink fall in love story. It’s a hard work for many years. To have later much more happy years together.

Whether you like it or not, the dating game is fundamentally built on the objectification of others. It sucks, but pretending that's not the case doesn't change the reality of it.

We're animals. We're programmed to want to bang attractive people.

Intellectual compatibility is a fair goal in a relationship

Selecting for intelligence/education/creativity is objectifying? Boy that’s a new one.

It's completely different for introverts like me. I can figure out multivariate calculus or how a git merge works, but I do not have the faintest idea how to start a conversation with someone. Especially if it's two or more people already talking. The only avenues that worked for me are work and apps.

Have we been dating in person for a couple of billion years?

Setting aside that people have not been around for billions of years, if you go back in history without the tech and the mobility we have today "dating" is a complete different thing. You didn't have such a large pool of potential partners, where you were born played a huge role and you also didn't have as much freedom to do your own thing as you did today.

You better watch out though I would actually be more worried with that type of relationship because your wife will now realize she has unlimited options and start to second guess. So many divorces happen now from things as simple as a facebook message leading to an affair.

That fear of missing out could hit hard and lots of people get blindsided by it.

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