Staring at a Wall: Embracing Deliberate Boredom
ch3ngl0rd.com
ch3ngl0rd.com
Oftentimes it has even moved up the priority above the bottom — boredom — and even taken precedence over other leisure activities like reading, TV, or just sitting and talking. For many, it’s even close to the top, trumping work and other responsibilities. So boredom certainly stands no chance.
If people actually try and sit with just their thoughts, staring out into nature or the walls of their home, they become anxious, like an addict that can’t get their fix.
I appreciate many of the modern conveniences that come with smartphones, but I often miss the days before them.
Looks like experts are divided on this
I love doing long solo bicycle rides. Just heading out and spending whole day riding by myself. Over the years, I bumped into many people who find such trips scary. Scared of thoughts that could pop up. Some said they could do that with headphones and music, but silence was no go.
All of my best ideas come on the bike or in the shower.
Personally wall-style meditation is damn hard. But cycling makes it doable. My routine is to focus on cycling for the first hour or so. Which is also needed to get away from the city and suburb traffic. By the time I’m far away there’s enough endorphins and whatnot in the system to help and then sliding into my own deep thoughts is pretty easy. For some time till physical exhaustion kicks in.
What I find crucial is pre-planned route and having already ridden it. No need for checking the map, no fear of missing a turn without navigation and no new sights to stare at.
And pace is important. Slow & steady. Not too slow. Zone 3 is perfect IMO.
Extremely repetitive in terms of scenery, breath, everything. The first few laps get into the rhythm and later ones are just you and your thoughts. Or, if you're lucky, just you.
Thinking of it, I need to go to the gym more. And I need some periodd of general boredom. Lately my brain had close to no occassion to run partially idle and I feel it.
I really wonder what the endgame of all this is. The "attention addiction" enabled by smartphones, and all the apps that are designed by some of the smartest people on the planet whose sole incentive is to keep you addicted, is IMO one of the most detrimental impacts by tech on human happiness in the past 100 years.
When the wife takes over driving duties (we work in two-hour shifts) I jot down the ideas that came to me.
(But in fact, phones are boring to me. It's my laptop that robs me of my boredom when at home.)
It seems like we’re at a state of FOMO where every moment has to be optimized for stimulation, whether for “unproductive” entertainment or for “productive” learning. If our eyes are too focused on driving then we let our ears instead be our means to become busy away from our present surroundings.
They will come and sit between your eyes and the screen until you pet them. I can now put the phone away and spend time with my cat and my thoughts.
Three years ago I was really grieving lost relationship, floating (not drowning) in sadness... and I found this piece of electronic music by San and Tac [0] with these words placed in the background. I would listen to this song and one day I realized, walking in a park, that I could really let it in. And I did... at it was beautiful...
[0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Y2BnKy8Eg
Love & Stillness
I think we inadvertantly created a similar dependence in our daughter, albeit with books rather than electronics.
She is 10 now and, aside from some exposure at school, she has never been allowed personal use of computers and the various computer-like devices we have today.
We did reading curriculum at home between 4 and 5. By 6 she was reading on her own for pleasure.
Today the child walks from room to room in the house with a book. Car rides without a book are accompanied with groans and anger. Any situation where boredom could set in is much worse if she doesn't have a book. She has to be specifically prodded not to read in order to get ready for school, etc, in a timely fashion.
I don't wish we'd done anything differently, but when she does eventually have access to electronics I fear she is going to transfer her extreme book "dependency" to electronics easily.
It's portable entertainment (phones, tablets, maybe even books unless you have a rule that they never leave the house) that I am deeply reluctant about. You can't lug a desktop to the park.
Also I don't think the two dependencies can be equated. Electronics create super short attention spans, books are the complete opposite. So I think she's already doing better than most her age.
But I don't think I'd change anything even going back. Too many benefits...
Are there ways to attenuate what you're referring to you are aware of?
Their parents will have their phone in hand while pushing the discussions.
On the general point: I remember a time smaller kids couldn't get into most restaurants at all because they would disturb the atmosphere (and I'm sure there's still many shops that won't allow kids).
Also people are way more susceptible to kids being noisy. It might be because exposure to kids has been so low for the majority of adults, but parents will get an utter amount of flack for letting their kid cry or shout and not immediately cater to them.
It's hard to have it both ways, our modern society will need to be more open to kid noise and disturbance if we want parents to just let the kids be kids.
No amount of being told to be quiet to a 1-2 year old will do the Jo .
> Disciplining children (even just verbally) seems to be something nobody wants to do anymore
"Parents these days" ?
Absolutely. Visit France; see many well-behaved and well-dressed children eating with their parents at cafes and restaurants. It's almost like they respect that this is actually their parents' treat time - that they've been taught that they are not the centre of the universe.
Now you can hear a groan from nearby tables whenever you take your family to a plane or restaurant
The most tolerable alternative is simply not to have children, and it will just be more and more common.
Yup, all people feel the effect of this
> People are less tolerant to noisy children
My tolerance was tested today when a Mum and her princess took up 3 seats at a cafe today and let the daughter watch YouTube videos loudly on her iPad without any headphones.
I still don't understand why parents take their kids to boring cafes and restaurants. Kids want to do noisy things and run around. I didn't go to cafes until I was about 12. Prior to that weekends would be spent be walking the dogs, going to parks, forests, picnics etc
As the parent takes the kids out more to restaurants and cafes, the kid will slowly learn how to behave. But it’s a process that takes time.
Sometimes the days are long, kid is driving you up a wall and the iPad just…works
My kid isn’t that old yet but partner and I have agreed no screens for first 15 mo at least. So anytime she’s watching TV we turn him away because he’s definitely interested!
I find the only time this is difficult is if I'm in a crowded area, and I'm anxiously concerned that I don't appear to be staring at a person like some creep. Then I feel one of my only options is to stare at a phone. But I also don't have a lot of entertaining apps on my phone so maybe I'll check the weather eight or nine times.
> I do get movitated [sic] by listening to other people now but I don't really NEED to do that. I could just lock myself away for days and get inspired by myself. That's my favorite way to do it. It's more like a pure form of motivation when it's all on your own. But you have to wait until you're really bored and you've got nothing to do. That's when it comes out. That's when I reckon it gets good.
[1] https://web.archive.org/web/20080611121559/http://www.furiou...
In my opinion, I don’t even think they’re wrong in their prescription. But seriously think about that. One “walling”. Universal prescription. Hmm.
I remember making the decision, and going through with it, but somewhat unsettlingly I do not remember hardly anything from the week itself. Maybe that is because there are no memorable moments on which to look back on.
I used to teach and consult on various forms of emergency preparedness and wilderness survival. It would amaze me at how people getting disconnected from their phones, would put extra stressors on them when I was training them.
When in the outdoors, the very first thing I would do, was to take each student's cell phone from them and tell them "you have no cell service in this situation, else rescue could be here in a few hours". That in itself would bring on extra stress into their training for the whole weekend.
When I would consult with families on preparedness in the home, the first thing I would do is cut off their internet connection and take their cell phones. It amazed me on how they could not find anything to do with their new found boredom.
Snippet from one of my documents - "... many people practice shelters, fire making, water procurement and are really good at these skills. But one should practice boredom, putting themselves in uncomfortable controlled situations, and/or practicing "embracing the suck". Practicing a physical skill for an hour and then walking back into your comfortable home is nice, but what did you really learn? "
The state that your mind will get after such thing, is like.. you go beyond boredom. Stop caring about anything unimportant to-real-you. Newz? whuts-dat? Anxiety? none.
So.. if you go for a easy but near-unescapable longer boredom - e.g. rent a floating house, on the lazy river, going with 5km/h (and no way to propel it faster), for a week upstream.. and another week back.. mmmm.
i did not make it. did not find time, courage, you-name-it, and now oz isn't a country that i would go again. But Maybe one day, maybe another place..
In recent times, I have started a "digital fast" twice a week ... no looking at any screen (TV/laptop/phone/iPad) for the entire day, except keeping a lookout for urgent notifications. Very few notifications merit opening and looking at the message, and still fewer merit an immediate response.
On these days, I have reverted to paper and pen to draw and write software designs, fighting the urge to look up any reference material. I have read fat novels without much of a break, spent quality time at the gym, practiced music and slept early.
There is no boredom, there is no anxiety due to news of politics & war/climate change/AI. I don't find myself flitting from site to site and infinite-scrolling app to another such. The afterglow carries over to the next day.
For work, as I said, I just use pen and paper. There are lots of tasks that don't have to be immediately keyed in. One can design, write pseudocode, think about ambitious tests, write documentation and so on. I can actually feel myself making progress when I don't have a screen in front of me.
How do you deal with email/video calls/messages? Are you in a position where you can just switch those off for the day? Or do you check in at certain intervals?
Video calls can't always be avoided, but so far I have not been affected. Or rather, I chose days on which there are no regularly scheduled video calls.
It was only many years later I realized that this was an accidental spontaneous invention of what William Edwards Deming came to call a Life List. His main purpose in that was to help people guide their careers and personal development.
For me this article is strange, but the way I integrate this sort of thing is by picking an interest and really sticking with some aspect of it. That almost always leads to a kind of boredom, but it has a limited context that makes it different and maybe even more useful. Like the way giving an artist only a few colors to work with can lead to greater creativity.
https://tiferetjournal.com/zazen-what-is-it-why-am-i-staring...
I know David Foster Wallace isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but that quote from The Pale King stuck with me for over a decade.
I've also had similar experiences going on a walk somewhere quiet and non-distracting.
For comparison, when a scientist or an artist looks at a tree, his mind creates a highly detailed image, and the more he peers into it, the more finer details his mind discovers. So his mind is never bored, rather it can be hypnotized by the amount of details it sees. He develops this skill by immersion into whatever he sees: rather than letting himself get distracted, he makes his attention inspect the object of interest as closely as possible; this improves clarity of his mind's vision, which lets him see even more details. This means when he looks at a tree, all his attention explores this tree, and when he thinks about a tree, all his attention explores the mental image of the tree. In average minds, their attention is always split between many things, so they never see anything clearly.
Immersion is what makes all the difference.
I feel like I've had this since I was a child/early teenager. My mom always found it weird how I just walked around the house not really doing anything at the age of 13 or so.
And he would sit against a wall and meditate.
Can't find any links about it any more.
(If anyone can find links to the retreat or to him mentioning doing this meditation, please post them below.)
This tactic can be used to with minimal conditioning/tolerance.
The author seems to be missing the point of his own exercise.
FWIW I use the app "Waking Up" from Sam Harris.