> As someone with a lowly 10gb card sdxl is beyond my reach with a1111 it seems
SDXL reportedly works at below 8GiB in A1111 with --low-vram, and at 8GiB to anything short of 16GiB with --med-vram-sdxl, and 16GiB and up with no options.
> but I can't make anything but garbage with it in automatic.
If you aren't getting out of memory errors with SDXL but the output sucks, its probably not a VRAM problem. The most likely thing, IME, is using the SDXL base model or another checkpoint without a baked VAE but still having A1111 configured to use an SD1.x VAE (or using one with a baked VAE but having A1111 configured to override it.) SDXL needs an SDXL-specific VAE, but A1111 doesn't bundle one, IIRC, you need to download it separately.