I'm lost too although in 40s and stuck in dead end job that has basically meant I've stagnated for 15 years while all my peers have 2-3x me. I'm left behind and fear it's too late with the current economic climate.
But I do have work life balance which has been valuable for my family, and a series of health crisis that I weathered over the last decade. Hopefully your dead end job has stability and gives you some other solace?
I would focus on a side gig, building a portfolio project in something that interests you and maybe eventually could be used as a business or to showcase your skills in applying for a job. Getting time for that can be a challenge with existing job and other life demands, but then you have to realize that just hopping onto the Bay Area tech scene would likely have required a similar grind so maybe it wasn’t all that for you?
If I wanted to I could probably stay at the same company for the next 20 years and retire but that sounds uninspiring and ultimately quite depressing. Two years ago was the time to do something but now is OK too. In another two years I will look back thinking "why didn't I make a move then?"
I know the feel, wish I had something better than my own story for you!