Real conversations only happen when there's a mutual understanding of how others tick and when the most appropriate time there is to raise a likely-uncomfortable topic. I'm not going to generalise about women, but I can say that for many men, examples of such situations might include when they're out fishing, cycling, playing golf, or just doing any other hobby that allows one to be "distracted" most times with silence.
Silence is very awkward in sit-down situations where you're "forced" to converse, but not if there's another activity as the main alibi. It's okay to go out fishing and not catch a fish. It's okay to go fishing and not say a word. But it's also okay to start talking freely once both parties are ready for it at a future mystery time and location.
Perhaps women are culturally more comfortable going out for coffee or running errands together. For all the men I know that would be super weird.
Shame. We need to find new ways to just be together.
Isn't child support a percentage of earnings?
Now imagine you're deployed and earning hazard pay when they set that initial dollar amount. Then a couple years later you're not earning that same pay because you're in the reserves. Now you have to work OT at your civilian job to make the payments and support yourself because the way the courts handle child support is ridiculous.
Your scenario is equally real for salespeople. Income is imputed based on last 3 years' earnings. If you get laid off and your spouse abandons you, you're expected to continue paying out based on your peak earnings. If the last few years were good to you, your next few will be hell.
It's not a good system but there aren't really any solutions that can't be gamed by the men.
Yeah, but it's basically at the whim of the judge. As you mentioned the gaming part, it seems they tend to be biased against many adjustments by thinking it's being gamed.
It's absolutely ridiculous to think this is a good system though. In my mind, you're better off letting some gaming occur than to force people into impossible positions. Not to mention, the current system does nothing to curtail the gaming done by the lower income spouse, women who have multiple children from different partners, or true cost of raising the child vs what someone gets.
- Cooking with friends. Doesn't have to be coded female, just ask, if you're all excited about some nice chinese dish or nice cut of beef you got people will vibe with it
- Making music with friends. It takes a really long time, we almost never finish any recordings, and end up just chatting
- Playing dnd with friends (and sitting around drinking afterwards)
- generally, drinking
- card games. We don't bet, but im sure that would work too
- camping/hiking
- watching football/cricket/long sports together
I can see how many teenagers wouldn't like to openly discuss sex or politics with their parents because they already know what kind of answers their parent want or don't want to hear. But I don't think the article claims that asking a few questions can undo years of bad parenting.
And majority of questions are not even opinion based.
> Turn the tables, suggests O’Malley, and let them think about an issue from another angle.
I'm finding it hard to take your interpretation on this one. Even the explanation calls it "turning the tables."
The word "rules" is enough to enforce the power dynamic. The subject of the sentence isn't "screen time," it's "rules."
The accusation of not reading the explanation is unwarranted.
and for video games, the kids do know the consequences of not doing their homework in school. so they are able to come up with rules that will allow them to complete their homework.
i won’t try to claim it always works but at least for my experience just being someone who is safe for younger people to share their ideas and thoughts with (starting with the “lighter” thoughts) seems to make the foundation for the kids being more willing to ask the tough questions about life on their own or to listen when you do want to share your own thoughts.
Oh, so “just already be good at talking to your kids”. Appreciate the advice.
Seriously, this is for parents that want to do a better job. Your advice isn’t particularly useful as it isn’t specific enough for people that aren’t already connecting with their kids.
Perhaps propose more specific actionable advice. You can’t listen to someone that isn’t talking. What should they ask or share to break the ice?
there is a new movie out that i think you'll enjoy. shall we go watch it?
or, i saw a shop with your favorite style clothes, comics, whatever on sale on the way home. you may want to go check it out...
taking interest in other people means paying attention to things that you can do to help them further their interests.
you should to the same with your partner too, btw, so that when the kids are there you already have practice. and you can also do it with your friends. taking interest is a big factor in any relationship. taking interest means you care about them.
But yes asking them the right way requires to adopt this attitude too.
I feel as if the feedback would be less obstructed the earlier the discussion takes place. My children are young and we have already had discussions above their age level on a handful of these topics.
being interested in what other people enjoy is not insincere at all. it is in fact required if we want to build any sort of relationship with them.
you don't have to like it. and you don't have to watch all of it. but you can take an interest without being insincere.
Turns out when I get them to tell me about it without judgement, and show enough humility that they open up to me, they get excited about the things they love, and then you can't help but be a bit excited too. You get a better sense how what they think and how they think, which usually leads to genuinely good bits.