There is no word for swapping $5 of crypto on Uniswap currently costing ~$2 in gas fees (and this is 'low') and taking several minutes other than "dumb".

There are other cryptos which have most or all of the advantages of Ethereum with minimal downsides. I don't want to come across as shilling any particular bag, so I'll be vague and say there are chains with reasonable amounts of activity where transactions take seconds and fees are $0.00x or $0.000x. This actually is disruptive and interesting compared to fees for Stripe/Braintree or even Mastercard/Visa.

The reality is that if Ethereum released today with its capabilities, it would not see widespread adoption. Its position today is purely because it's the incumbent smart contract chain.