Ask HN: Advice/Recommendation for Therapist that works with IT contractors? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Advice/Recommendation for Therapist that works with IT contractors?

4 pointsleanstartupnoob7 comments

Hi Everyone,

I'm in my late forties and have been (mostly) gainfully employed for my adult life as a software developer. Over the last few years I've suffered some burnout and was part of a mass layoff at my last job. I started seeing a therapist and things have not been going great. I might be projecting a bit, but on multiple sessions my therapist has made it seem like it's my fault for getting laid off.

I'm not quite ready to retire, but I easily have enough cash and savings to last for over a year without too much financial stress. Today during our session the therapist started being really assertive that I should make a schedule and apply for jobs on indeed or monster even though I've said repeatedly that I'm not ready to start looking. I want to be ready to start a new job and succeed rather than flame out after a couple months because I'm still depressed.

I feel like part of the problem is that my therapist isn't used to working with financially healthy and stable people so he thinks I'm on the verge of losing everything if I don't get a job soon.

Has anyone had similar issues in trying to talk with therapists or have a recommendation for someone who is used to working with software professionals?

I'd recommend telling your therapist what you just told us. Put it in words they'll hear: Tell them that you are financially stable and want to set a boundary with them, that they don't push you to find work before you are ready. If they are unable to cooperate with that, let them know that you aren't comfortable continuing with them and want them to refer you to someone else who is a better fit.

Therapists know that it can take some trial and error to match up a patient with the right therapist, so typically you can expect them to be willing to help you move on to someone better matched to your needs.

You don't need a technology-specific therapist, you need a therapist who is accustomed to working with clients who have some wealth. Try the nicer suburbs.

Alternately, you might not need a therapist at all. A monthlong nomadic vacation visiting mountains, canyons, and deserts has a way of resetting the brain. Just throw a duffel bag and hammock or tent in your car and go.

> A monthlong nomadic vacation visiting mountains, canyons, and deserts has a way of resetting the brain. Just throw a duffel bag and hammock or tent in your car and go.

So I guess part of the point is to throw caution to the wind and just have an adventure, but how do you find places to camp and take care of various necessities?

Pretty much every gorgeous destination has campgrounds within the park or nearby. At this time of year everything is half empty; there's no need for reservations.

So, if you want to see Chaco Canyon, just drive there! Buy a bag of groceries in some little town along the way. That night, as you gaze into the milky way while eating peanut butter from the jar because you forgot to buy bread to make PB&J, you'll swear it's the best damn peanut butter you've ever had.

After a couple days you'll be ready for a shower, so you head to Santa Fe. Spend a night in that 400-year-old hotel, La Fonda, and get cleaned up. Hot shower and a soft bed. A breakfast spot selling huevos covered in green chile. Buildings made of sticks and mud. Then drive to the next wilderness area and repeat.

Whatever you do, don't overpack or overplan. You'll be fine.

Seems like your therapist is not a good fit for you.there are a lot of theraputic modalities, some are directive and some people want that. Seems like you don't. See if you can find a therapist that's a better fit, someone who will help you explore and clarify your feelings might be better.

If the therapist is not working out, fire them and get a new one!

His job is to apply methods, not pressure. If you can’t steer away from it, it is indeed a problem with the therapist. E.g. I slack since new year and my therapist doesn’t mind, only asked about my plans once and that was it. Even if you’re on some financial verge, that itself doesn’t matter for therapy. Only your reflections on what’s going on.

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