[x] Claims to support a multitude of languages with wildly varying semantics while still achieving some goal that seems unrealistic (or thus-far un-achieved) even for a single one
[x] Claims to achieve performance similar to C/C++/fortran/some other traditionally-considered-fast language
[x] Claims that some traditionally-considered-hard-to-do-task will now become easy
[x] Uses buzzwords like "in the cloud"
[x] Shows meaningless benchmarks without context, code or an in-depth look at the actual bottlenecks of the benchmarked code, suggesting the particular solution by far exceeds all the competitors
[ ] Extensive usage of the words "flux capacitor" or "Gigawatts"