Ask HN: Trans and recently laid off need advice
I've been an SWE for +10 years. The entire time I presented as my gender assigned at birth, and kept my transition a secret because the statistics for employment are depressing to say the least. A year and a half ago I changed jobs to a company that said they promoted tolerance which made me over the moon to join. Well that ended up not being the case. Without knowing anything (still same pronouns, and generic name that is predominately aligned with my gender) my coworkers, and manager said extremely concerning opinions regarding trans individuals (think more generic MAGA sentiment, and acts of violence I don't really care about anything else) so decided to play it safe, and not disclose since the trans benefits were shockingly good despite a not so inclusive environment. This also shockingly was not a small company by any means.
I was originally planning on coming out, but after getting completely cut off from my family 3 years ago I kind of stuck with "if I want to make myself happy I'm going to have to do this myself", and I did. I saved a large portion of my check, and immediately dropped it in savings. Shockingly gender affirming surgery is incredibly expensive, and I'm expecting around a $100k bill that I need to pay in a couple of months, and no surgeons accept insurance. You basically just pay cash, and pray your insurance company will reimburse you.
Well 2 months ago I was laid off, and applying for jobs has taken an extreme tole on my mental health. I've found it incredibly awkward asking recruiters what LGBTQ benefits are available, and well the stats show that I'm significantly less employable being trans, and I'm finding I'm getting more rejections even just mentioning it.
I honestly don't even know what to do anymore. My savings is slowly dwindling away, and I made the wrong bet on my previous employer. My LinkedIn, network, former coworkers all know me as my former self. But, now I'm stuck in a paradigm of not being depressed and coming out, and finding a job.
What should I do? I'm depressed constantly hiding a part of my identity, but know that my chance of landing a job in time, or at all will significantly drop if I come out to everyone.
P.S. I'm not looking for advice on the being trans. I'm honestly just looking to live a normal life, and be happy.