Ask HN: How do you describe what you do at parties? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How do you describe what you do at parties?

3 pointsphilomath_mn33 comments

You meet someone and they ask "what do you do?" -- what is your response?

When I say "I work as a software engineer for a fintech startup" I never get a follow up question and the convo moves on. It probably doesn't help that I work remotely from a rural-ish area so most people don't work in a similar role.

I know the default answer is "don't talk so much about your work" but I put a lot of myself into my work and it is my main identity outside of my family (which takes 99.99% of my time). So I'd like to share something about that side of myself.

What do you all think?

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Do you do something interesting or unusual? Something worthwhile or dangerous? No? Then people aren't going to ask you any follow up questions; they're making small talk.

Imagine it's the other way round - you're at a party and meet the host's sister's boyfriend's cousin and ask what they do "Oh, I do reinsurance claims for mid-sized retail acquisitions in the aluminium industry." You can either get into a tedious conversation about that, or ask about literally anything else.

If you want people to be interested in you - you need to be interesting. You don't do software engineering (what?) at a fintech (huh?) startup (like Facebook?) - instead you say "I am building an app that helps X do Y."

All of a sudden you're using an active word (building) related to something people understand (an app!) and they might even know about X or Y. If they do, you can have a little conversation.

If not, well, how about that local sports team? I hear they played a few games.

You hit the nail on the head. Software development is a means to a greater result. Applying CS/SE skills with domain expertise is the key.

This is a great response, thanks! I will definitely lean into the "I am building an app that helps X do Y." Unfortunately a platform for helping portfolio managers understand sources of risk/return is also very abstract, but I can focus on more tangible elements of the product.

Also I am definitely not expecting a long discussion about me and what I do, I expect the convo to move on but wanted to have a better handling of this part of it.

Even that sounds boring though. And that's coming from another software engineer. I would keep it simple "I make apps". I think that's more likely to get a question back. Try to avoid giving all the info up front

This comes up quite a bit for me. Army people frequently wonder what it’s like to be a software developer. It used to be:

I drive an hour to an office so that I can spend half the day on phone conferences where people just like to hear the sound of their own voice. Nothing is accomplished, so sometimes I just take a nap until the call is complete.

Half the rest of the time is spent with inexperienced developers convincing themselves about how awesome they are as they dick around blindly in some stupid bloated framework. It’s just an excuse for people who never should be there in the first place to feel empowered when all they accomplish is putting text on screen.

When I want to actually program and actually accomplish something productive I either write personal software or I contribute to open source projects online. Sometimes I just take long walks outside. Then I spend an hour or more driving home.

When I am at work I have to keep my experience and opinions to myself and just not say anything. Even discussing technical opinions on HN is enough cause to be trolled. Many software developers are fragile. Many have convinced themselves they are super awesome and the worst thing you can do is shatter the illusion with any kind of actual self improvement. If I want to mentor people or just generally talk about programming I have to wait until I am at home and go online to something like IRC.

Now I am unemployed after being laid off. I absolutely love being unemployed but nobody outside of my line of work understands this. I am under tremendous social pressure to get a job. I would rather just go become a police officer for a third of the pay. I just landed a job with a large rocket company and it makes me super depressed. I really don’t want to go back to work.

What you describe is on a good day. On a bad day, you are tempted to go postal.

I think you seriously overestimate how much other people care about things that do not affect or interest them. It has nothing to do with how you describe your work. The only person that might be interested is another software dev. Adjust your expectations and talk about something you have in common.

I went to a conference once for sales professionals targeting high net worth individuals. There was a session on how to be an interesting person with lots of hobbies and personal experiences so that you could better connect with people who also had abundant personal lives.

Go read “How to win friends and influence people.” Key takeaway: it’s not all about your emotional needs.

Yeah maybe I am projecting a little bit because I love to ask follow up questions to find the interesting part about most things -- but not everyone is that way (and some stuff is still too boring for me to follow up on). I think getting people to talk about themselves is part of part of the "make friends" advice and I am usually trying to do that for others.

Also I am not expecting everyone be awed and amazed in what I do, I just wanted to find a way to describe my line of work in a way that _might_ encourage some non-zero follow-on discussion.

My career, which I’m very proud of, is bringing technology to charities that are working to solve the biggest problems of our age. My biggest hobby is to constantly travel the world as a digital nomad and experience all its glory. I love meeting new people from other cultures and learning about what’s important to them.

And still, most people are not that interested. Aside from the rare person who wants to know more, I meet people where they are.

So this is my evidence that it doesn’t matter how interesting you think your life is, this is just how most people are. People care about things inside their context.

Sounds like OP just needs to socialise with people who have read that book.

Talk about what you help people do, it doesn't have to be you personally but the company in general.

From a technical or thinking standpoint, the most interesting thing to you might be the tools you use or the hard technology problem to be solved.

But from a feeling and emotional standpoint the most important thing is what you do that enables people to work with other people or do the $(thing they want to do).

> I work as a software engineer for a fintech startup

You could say "we're trying to make it easier/better for people to $(do the thing your customers are trying to do)."

To most people "I run a software business" and then if more questions come through, I expand further. Sometimes to family/uncles/aunts, I just say "I work in IT".

Yeah I think my main problem is that I live in an area without many people who care about technology, business, or even careers more generally. So when I say software they are mostly thinking "maybe he can help me with my printer".

I am generally happy with my life choices, but it would be interesting to live in an area where the chances of bumping into another dev are non-zero (though I guess I did bump into one or two at a coffee shop over the years)

Know your audience.

"Programmer" might be better than "software engineer."

"Startup" might be better than "Fintech startup."

And a simple "I am a programmer" might be the best opening line because it leaves the most room for people to share their interests.

A conversation is back and forth. There are adults out there who want to tell someone they are learning Python or took Java in college.

And that's at least as interesting as what you want to say.

Good luck.

I usually tell people I add and remove buttons on the screen. People look at me like I'm a idiot and change the subject.

"I look at numbers all day and try to come up with stories that might explain the incomprehensible to the indifferent people." (stole this one from Peter Watts, it's funnier than saying I'm a data scientist at a fintech company).

That is a great line! Definitely hits home

Don't be ashamed of telling them what you do. It's their problem, not yours.

Also, be aware that you will invite questions such as "can you fix my computer" and "what computer should i buy" if you do tell the truth.

I used to be a product manager for an EdTech startup. I would always say something like "I help design and build software that's designed to teach people better foreign language conversation skills"

Now that I'm out of tech, and run my own startup, I just simply state my company's value-prop via 3 questions, and that usually is more than enough.

Usually elicits positive responses when I say I contribute to hardware and software that helps you enjoy movies like Cars and Moana with your kids!!!

Share more about why you do the things you do or the impact/effect of what you do and less about how you specifically do it.

I help people save money/retire more confidently by building tools that accurately calculate blah.

If you were a doctor you wouldn't say that you see patients or examine test results, you'd say that you help people dealing with blah.

I think a good answer to a non-technical crowd might be something like "I make websites". That is about as simple and easy to understand as you can get. And if they followup with any questions, you can give more detail about your industry and work that you do.

You could joke telling them that you made a program that takes a cent of each transaction, and see their reactions. There's even a movie about it, great convo topic.

You know how you go to Amazon or RandomSite and the results you get back from their site search suck? I try to make it suck less.

breaks my mind to see the clueless faces when I say I'm a software engineer .. and in 21st century no less

A friend who is an endocrinologist has the same problem! People just go ugh?

I'm a science dude.

"In which field?"

What kind of science would you like?

I drink and chill...

Well I made things more difficult for myself by giving up the drinking part

I usually start out with, "Have you ever heard of SCSI?"

Nah, people can't memorise computer industry acronyms.

That hilarious reference to a defunct standard from decades ago is worth a quick explanation for those who've never heard of it: PCMCIA stands for Personal Computer Memory Card International Association, the group of companies that defined the standard. This acronym was difficult to say and remember, and was sometimes jokingly referred to as "People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms".

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_Computer_Memory_Card_...

Thanks for noticing - I've always been very fond of that one. I had a Creative Labs PCMCIA Sound Blaster Audigy 2 ZS card for a laptop once, they were absolutely fantastic for the time.

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