Ask HN: Do I need psychological help? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Do I need psychological help?

5 pointstmpSmthing09095 comments

I'm in my mid-40s, good health, loving family, earn good enough (FANG), etc. But lately, I don't feel like starting anything new and routine stuff has bored me out. I just sit in front of computer all day, staring, pretending to read but in reality I don't. Almost 4 weeks have passed and I haven't done any work of significance. Last week was not even writing an email. Possibility of layoff doesn't faze me.

Have access to all sort of movie streaming sites. However, by the end of trying to find one to watch, I'm already done. Have a huge library of video games via Steam, browse for sometime to see which one to play, but eventually never begin with any. Wake up early in the morning (used to go for 45min walk), but then stay in bed until time for kids' school. Surf through various physical and e-books that I have access to but literally force myself to start with a new one.

Only solace is when eventually I do start something (rarely), I stick to it like a leech, almost obsessed. But then these things are usually some minor thing like starting with a book or getting some broken thing to work or learning some totally unrelated and insignificant thing (like recently ray-tracing over weekend). I'm not depressed, I think most will still find my company enjoyable. But I feel continuing in this state will eventually lead to depression or some other hell hole. Should I be seeking help?

As long as you are not violent or suicidal you should not need a hospital yet. Call your health insurance company and ask for a nearby psychologist or therapist to talk to. You just need someone to talk out your problems.

I worked until I became Schizoaffective disorder affected. I need medicine and doctor's care. I've been suicidal about five times and been in a hospital five times. I sleep too much because of the prescription medications I am on. I am getting weak, lost muscle and fat due to not exercising and eating one or two meals a day. That is the depression part of Schizoaffective Disorder. I can't work because it saps my creativity and will power. I read about five books on Python and still cannot program in it beyond a Hello World program or simple programs, complex programs I cannot do yet.

Eat healthier, exercise, take multi-vitamin, and find someone to talk to and you should make a recovery.

No. You're in your mid-40s and seem to be doing well, so you're having a mini midlife crisis.

If you're bored at work, talk to your manager and see if can work on something new. And, not just a new application of the same skill set.

Your hobbies also seem more individualistic. Why not try enrolling in an art or music course? Or, volunteer at your local hospital/homeless shelter?

You and your significant other could take dance lessons, start a vegetable garden, or become actors (cosplayers) for historical productions.

People online are quick to suggest seeing a therapist and I don't know why; all therapy is is expensive duck programming.

Seeking help is always recommended, so yes, try talking to a friend or therapist.

But I've been in your shoes (with some minor differences) and found out the only way out is to forget what is expected of me by other people and just trust my own gut feeling. I picked up projects that were "nope"d by my advisors and decided to do them on my own. Guess what? I feel more alive than I have ever been in the past year.

Sounds like you're extremely burned out. I believe the answer to your question is yes.

If you're asking the question then the answer is probably a yes, you need something but is that something therapy? That's much more difficult to answer based upon what you've provided.

One problem with the average psychologists and therapists in general is the adage of "when the only tool you have is a hammer every problem looks like a nail." There are the chances you may find a good one who may have a broad scope on understanding that not all problems can be solved through their specialty. I myself would focus on measurable testable results as you fall into the age range where hormonal imbalances can grow to the point that they are affecting every aspect of your life. Doing this before or at least in parallel with seeing a psychologist would be beneficial.

I can only express this as a personal story but when I was in my mid-40s I could describe all of the symptoms you are mentioning. Then on top of the general listlessness my wife divorced me for reasons that to this day I don't truly understand. This just started spiraling down into a depressive state. After about a year of suffering with this and hearing for the millionth time one of those men's ads on the radio I said what the hell and went to one of these clinics. They draw blood they do measurable testable results to determine your hormone levels and it's clear to see that you may have a measurable fall off or you may have some other underlying health condition that's affecting things. This single thing of responding to one of these spam like ads on the radio was, I think, the best thing I could have done. Then my testosterone levels were sub 300 which is at the levels where insurance will cover you for getting it boosted. Within 3 months of nothing else changing in my life except going on trt my entire outlook changed. I was no longer depressed about being alone and I was still alone and I'm still alone to this day. My focus at work is back. My ability to take on physical tasks is honestly as good as it was in my twenties. I'm 50 years old now and trt is put my levels back to the normal range and I can work all day on the computer writing software and then work 6 hours in the evening on the house remodeling and wake up the next day and do it all over again. The mental focus and clarity is amazing. So again this is 100% a personal anecdote but being tested is a very small cost because the symptoms you describe as I said I could have listed those same symptoms. Not all clinics are the same but they all sound like they're just pushing some snake oil, which I'm not sure why they advertised that way but for me it was not snake oil.

At minimum getting hormone levels checked and getting a baseline readings of where you're at now compared to normal ranges is a basic thing. You also don't need to go to a men's clinic to do this because again that's a specialty for them so whether it's slightly below normal or very much below normal like mine they will find a way to try and sell you on their products. Your regular doctor could order these same panels you could actually go and pay for these yourself and get them privately it's only a few hundred for lab draws and results. It's certainly worth checking at least in parallel with any kind of a psychological therapy.

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