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Comment by standardUser | Hacker News Reader

Nice idea if you can afford it, and few can afford to live precisely where they want. I've made a habit of travelling to visit friends, which is easy for me because I'm childless and most of my old friends have kids. At least half of my trips are to see someone I know. That plus that occasional phone call, video chat and a WhatsApp group keeps me closer to these old friends now than in the past.

But the idea of uprooting my life, finding a new job, finding a new home and then moving near one friend seems excessive and unrealistic. It's not like all my friends live near each other and are waiting for me to join.

But, maybe when I'm old.

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Yeah, I also think that unless you are already very close friends or there’s already a group established somewhere, moving somewhere with the purpose of being nearby just one friend could backfire and strain the friendship.

Friendships often fall into a natural cadence where you see each other every month or so, every week or so, etc. If you aren’t already in a near-daily rhythm with someone and move close to them with the expectation of establishing that, the other person could feel that you are coming on too strong, so to speak, and pull back, in which case you could feel frustrated that you chose where to live based on a friend that’s not really on the same page as you in terms of what you’re looking for in a close proximity friendship.

If you do this, it’s probably better to have low expectations and allow things to develop slowly over time (if at all). In the meantime you can try to recruit others to move nearby and establish a group so that all your eggs aren’t in one basket.

While it felt awkward at first, I've been intentionally trying to befriend my neighbors. I've managed it with one couple and am working on a second. Tech helps reduce the barriers between distant friends, but we're wired to value eye contact and physical contact.

Sounds like you might not have all that much life to uproot.

I have friends where I live I wouldn't want to abandon, and honestly my newer friends are a better fit for my lifestyle than my oldest, closest friends. But yeah, if I didn't have a social life here I could move easily. But I wouldn't do it just to be near one or two close friends. Maybe if my five favorite people all lived in the same town...

Yeah in your case might make more sense to try and convert your local friendships into close ones… not always easy for busy adults, though. All my close friendships from the last few years were cemented by doing trips together, even just short getaways like a weekend ski trip.

Sorry for my earlier comment suggesting you had no life, reads more aggressive than I intended :)

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