Tell HN: Recommendations of mental/physical preparations for would-be fathers
Context: I work in IT. I prefer to "talk" to computers than to humans. I'm not particularly excited (neither the averse) about the event. We have sound financials (we already have at least 2-3 years of total costs prepared) before and after our son was born. Neither of us love exercises. If you have a completely different type of personality, this might not apply to you at all. This guide also assumes that you just got the news of pregnant so you have more or less 7-8 months of time between now and the event.
PART 1: Mental preparations
1.1 Please recognize that this is going to be a tough experience for an undetermined amount of time.
Explanation: First, everyone agrees that this is a tough experience. I can tell you why. We don't have a tough kid (the only illness is asthma but doc told us that's pretty much a third of the kids out there, plus he only went to the hospital twice for treatment), but there are all kinds of smaller issues that can keep you out of bed. Feeding during night, nightmares during night, occasional vomit due to sickness, etc. I have never had one good night of sleep since he was born, and I believe my wife feels the same.
Second, people are going to be tell you that it's going to be "better" after age X. No, they are wrong. It's not "better", but simply a different set of issues. You will always worry about something every day. The anxiety might numb a bit but it's always there. I guess you can set X to say 21, when he finally goes out to the world by himself.
1.2 Please recognize that you might have < 1 hour of free time every day.
Explanation: This is exactly my case. I used to have a lot of free time when my parents were helping us, but now it's zero hour. Some parents manage to divide work so one can always enjoy some free time every other day, but in our case our son wants to sleep with both of us. I guess it means a lot to him so I always comply to it.
Anyway, it's going to strip away ALL of your hobbies and career growth if you are unlucky. My recommendation is: if you really need to teach yourself something (like a certificate for career growth, or a serious step for a hobby), do it RIGHT NOW. You may not have the time or energy for the next, say, 5 years. This may sound weird (how come I won't have time for the next 5 YEARS?) but what I really meant is that you might not have no CONSECUTIVE LARGE BLOCK of time for the next 5 years, and you will need those for serious study/hobbies.
1.3 Please recognize that you might dislike your kids when frustrated.
Explanation: I'm going to elaborate a bit before you think I'm a demon. Basically, when someone, or something breaks your sleep and takes away all of your free time, the reward needs to be really big to overcome the negative feelings. There is indeed reward but it is inconsistent, but the frustration is always there. Please know that this is pretty normal and you are not a demon. You will feel better when you get used to it.
1.4 Please recognize that you might need to sharpen up social skills.
Explanation: This probably only applies to me. I, to be frank, never really enjoyed talking to humans. I still don't like it but having a kid forces me to have small chats with other people. I have yet to learn how to host a party and other advanced topics. I'm not stretching it but it's a lot more difficult than studying computer science.