Because it's not about not accepting the patch. I'm not there. It's about the style.
About the oil: I'm not that kind of person. I'm just defending what I'm thinking right. Also, I know about oil burns. That's something I'd never wish on my enemy.
One doesn't need to be overly, or overtly friendly, or to write long fluffy sentences to come across as kind. It's about the word choice yes, but not in the straightforward way we are wired to think. It's something more subtle.
I write many e-mails every day, talking with people from many nations, at every level in many projects. Some of these mails are novellas, some of them are four word bursts. Yet regardless of the length of the mail, I can convey the tone I want, and people understand that.
Sometimes I need to say no to people, and I say it directly. Sometimes I thank them sincerely. Rarely I write hard/heavy mails, which is something I hate to do (and I don't use the word lightly), but without any strong words, and they go through too.
Being kind is not playing the ego game, and doesn't need extra time. What is wrong is thinking that you can throw words and/or people around just because you don't see their faces, don't like how they name the variables, or you think you can say anything because you're a nerd/geek/hacker/whatever and these features or adjectives give you license to push people around.
Lastly, I think soft-skills are way more important in development communities, because your projects' life-span is measured with the health of the community supporting it. Gate-keeping, elitism, and similar acts slowly but surely damages a community. We should strive to be better humans first.
Coding is easy. Communication is hard.