I am plain stupid. Is there anyway to change that? | Hacker News Reader

I am plain stupid. Is there anyway to change that?

5 pointsiwant2endmyself25 comments

This is not a self-pity post or imposter syndrome or anything like that. In fact, I get hit with the Dunning-Kruger effect quite frequently, always overestimating my abilities.

After a long, torturous and detailed recalling of my past, I have concluded without a doubt that I am exceptionally stupid, in decision-making, cognition, learning and functioning. Despite being decently privileged with parents encouraging a growth mindset and a focus on learning and hard work, I have been unable to accomplish or make any significant progress with any of my goals despite having all the resources for it. It appears that I am still a child from more than a decade ago who hasn't learnt anything from my experiences and mistakes.

I (suffer?) from forgetfulness, inaction, delusional years-long procrastination, inability to be consistent, slow thinking, wrong decisions, inability to learn from my mistakes, inability to self-regulate and what not. I have tested for any physiological deficiencies like blood tests which all appear normal. I also have an adequate, balance diet. These problems have existed even when I had an active lifestyle so exercise is not the solution imo.

It's like if a truck is racing towards me and despite knowing it will run over and kill me, I am either unable to move, procrastinating about moving thinking I can do it later, moving a few inches and then stopping or even forgetting that the truck is about to end me. And this is despite the truck has already run over me many times causing me great damage.

From a very objective, cold perspective, people like me are better off not existing but I would prefer not to take that step if there is a remedy for my malady. HN is probably the only place where I can receive some constructive advice and help on what I can do to eliminate or at least mitigate my vacuousness and stupidity. If you know of any solutions, no matter how controversial, please let me know. I need all the help I can get.

Seek a therapist, ASAP.

You're definitely not "stupid" stupid. I dont know you, but I know stupid people. Not one of them was this self-reflecting. And I don't mean that you're right about yourself --- only that you are willing to be reflecting on yourself.

In any case, may I ask you what exactly you're expecting to get out of being smart? In my personal, academic & professional circle I'm usually regarded as "the smart guy" for reasons that I would definitely not classify myself as smart. I consider myself a fast learner, but with an absolutely garbage memory and an attention span of about 20 seconds. Not exactly traits that I would describe Einstein with. In any case, I'm writing this to say: I have never felt like this gave me any joy or reason to live? I enjoy what I enjoy and that's pretty sweet deal; sweet enough to ride it out. The only thing that makes me anxious is that my time is running out and there is so much shit I want to start, and then pause, and then procastinate, and then deep dive into again, and then stop, and then repeat. And my intelligence level really plays a very minor role in those things.

In other words: If you were smarter, how would you enjoy life more? Would you do other things? Would your outlook on things that you are doing be so different, that you would enjoy them more?

If I am smart, I can fulfill my goals, excel academically and professionally, be able to deal with life and become rich.

Even I have a bad memory but am not a fast learner or quick thinker which I think are essential and a good indicator of "intelligence" and success. The other huge problem is, even for things I am interested in learning, I am not able to be consistent or am unable to properly learn it.

I am from a place where you need to be smart to have a decent life, there is no security net or other support. It's everyone for themselves. Regardless of that, I have had aspirations from when I was little that I want to fulfill but it seems I lack the intellect and all other qualities to accomplish them. So yes, if I was smarter, I would be much happier.

The game is rigged. Becoming rich is more a function of either luck or inheritance than anything else.

The game maybe rigged but you can rig it to enrich yourself too and for that you need to be smart(er).

You've said nothing about intelligence. You've exclusively listed psychological impediments. Beating yourself up isn't helpful but your anger is good -- it means you're willing to change.

Your username means you need to seek a therapist immediately and without delay. I'm not asking you, I'm commanding you. Do it right fucking now.

In my opinion, consider trying several therapists until you find one that works well for you; they vary significantly. I would also recommend walking for one hour or more every day, no headphones, no distractions, and talk through things in your mind. Wild write: sit down with a pen and paper and write whatever comes into your mind, and then read it and understand it. It will start to make sense.

Literally everyone on this planet is broken in some way. But broken things can be fixed. There's hope. Use this frustration and anger as the spark to effect positive change. You can do it. Have hope.

Everyone who has been at the bottom of the well where there's no light and no promise of light will tell you the same thing: they're wrong. There's always the promise of light. There's always light if you choose to seek it. Have hope.

Edit: my email is in my profile

My tendency to be a victim of the Dunning Kruger Effect and constant repeating of the same mistakes points to an intelligence deficit. I have tried using both anger and discipline multiple times in the past to change and improve myself but it has never worked long enough, it always fails. So, I definitely need external help.

I don't think I need a therapist as I don't really plan/want to end myself. If I had a time machine and there was no grandfather paradox, I would make sure I won't exist but since that's impossible, I am looking to find whatever methods, experimental, surgical, whatever to eliminate what I also hope are just impediments and not an absence of intellect. I need to find someone who can tell me if my problems have solutions.

Your problems have solutions. It sounds like these mistakes were repeated and clear. It seems that you could intellectually see it, but you chose differently for other reasons. It may be an emotional barrier. Do people consider you stubborn? If so, that's fixable. Stop. You don't have to brain up, you have to wise up. The thing in your way is you and your brain but not in the way you're expecting; it's not intellect but wisdom. And it's not going to be fixed with brain surgery or an increase in IQ. It's going to stop when you allow it to stop.

People think of Therapists as Surgeons, a last resort. But they're also General Practitioners that you can just talk to. It can be that external help/voice. I really suggest trying for a couple months and see if it offers you anything. No harm if not. Or don't -- that's ok too. But they can't do shit unless you try.

Try the two other things I mentioned: long walks and wild writing. Again, try it for two or three months. If it doesn't help, no harm.

The key to this is in your hand. But it may not fit the lock that you're expecting. If you're open to true change, you can be pleasantly surprised but first you have to try.

People consider me lazy, don't know about stubborn. I have this aversion to doing anything productive or intellectually demanding even if I want to.

Also, I am unable to adapt to suit the situation (social or otherwise) which is troubling since adaptability is a fundamental trait of human capability.

I guess a therapist is the only way for me to get out of this lifelong funk I have been in, because my conscientiousness is non-existent and no matter how much I try, I will make the same mistakes again.

Does this sound familiar?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivit...

Go see a psychiatrist (they're the ones with MDs) and get evaluated for ADHD. Just tell them what you've told us.

In the meantime, you might find some of the videos on this Youtube playlist helpful: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYxtGyYUCbEGRw4WaKtjF...

I did consult an ADHD specialist 2-3 times and they were unsure of ADHD but said I possibly have a personality disorder and maybe, a intelligence issue too. I did not visit them after that due to procrastination.

sudo go see a therapist, asap!

And as david927 wrote:

In my opinion, consider trying several therapists until you find one that works well for you; they vary significantly.

Personally I think you shouldn't strive for the usual career, money, big house, many friends or whatever people commonly consider 'successful'. Life has only the meaning you yourself give it.

You might be better served seeking creative activities, maybe volunteer jobs where you act as buddy/support partner for others, (community?) gardening or whatever. Or something totally out there like go on a continent-crossing hiking journey.

This planet is big; life's too short to see & do everything. So regardless: do less of what makes you not happy, and do more of what does. But 1st go seek professional help.

You sound depressed, not stupid. What were your SAT or ACT scores? (You don't need to post them -- just compare them to the national averages.) They are the closest thing to a national IQ test in the U.S.

Not from the States, so haven't attempted those.

I don't think I am depressed, since this has been me for more than a decade since I was a child. I may sound depressed because I can finally understand how dumb I am and I don't like it at all and the predicament I am in now.

Your writing skills are excellent, thoughtful, and quite succinct, which is significant. Stupid doesn't know how to write well, let alone put thoughts down meaningfully.

I really appreciate your praise but writing doesn't determine intellect or cognitive capabilities. And either way, LLMs have made writing redundant which means it's not something that is a good sign of human creativity or intelligence.

Are you me? Great post, now I feel like I'm in a club!

I am definitely not! I checked out your submissions and I think you are both humbling/underestimating yourself and I may not have put across how precariously stupid I am.

Hehe, I used to think I was smart but it sure didn't amount to anything. I made a crappy dating website which in retrospect was a dumb idea. And then I figured out that pretty much everyone is smart if not smarter than me, so I wasn't very smart for thinking I was smart in the first place lol.

That right there is what I am talking about! You at least tried to create something, it failed because of other factors, not your intellect; it may have failed bcoz it ain't easy to promote a dating site without (VC) money.

I did not want to reveal this because I feel very ashamed even thinking about it: you are probably at worst a decent programmer who makes decent money working as a developer/engineer. There were two different fields I have been really interested in: Physics/Chem and Technology. With Physics/Chemistry, I tried to learn the fundamentals well, even bought a kit to experiment with, but due to a combination of not putting enough effort, erroneously thinking I can start learning later and still be better than others due to my misguided thinking that I was smarter (lol), and many times not being able to understand a lot of abstract scientific concepts that are important fundamentals, I was unable to become adept or good at Science. Moving on to tech, the same thing happened with me procrastinating, not putting in enough effort and finding it difficult to learn to code and understand technical concepts. Even little kids are able to code cool shit up and here I am not able to be consistent or smart enough to ever become good at it! I have always felt there was something off about me, my intellect, dexterity and ability to understand the world. I consoled myself by daydreaming and thinking I was smarter and can become better by working hard but I never did the hard work. Now, when I look back, I can clearly how badly dumb I was and am.

Stop focusing on what others (family, society, etc.) want you to be and instead accept yourself for who you are and focus on enjoying life.

That's it. Simple, yet also exceedingly hard given how difficult it is to root out all judgement of both others and self.

It's not what others want me to do, it's what I wanted to do and I couldn't because of my own inaction and maybe my own low capability and intellect.

not existing is not going to remedy that. the only way is to keep trying. some people here recommend MDMA, or other chemical help (never tried myself).

don't do goals, I'd have been long dead if I ever checked my achievements. life is good, just have to get this dark curtain off.

good luck mate !

forgot to mention, i got the same symptoms, but am close to retirement. still happy !

That's what I am looking for, some chemicals or experimental procedures or whatever it takes.

Keeping aside goals, my problems have significantly hindered my ability to function normally.

what you are saying applies to everybody. if I start talking about my problems and how i failed to become rich we'll spend a lot of quality time together. trust me, we're all just winging it, most of us. you need to get out of your brain.

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